[𝐈 𝐰𝐚𝐬 𝐂𝐚𝐧𝐨𝐞𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝑊𝑖𝑡ℎ 𝑀𝑦 𝐹𝑎𝑚𝑖𝑙𝑦 𝑖𝑛 𝑡ℎ𝑒 𝑁𝑒𝑜𝑐𝑙𝑎𝑠𝑠𝑖𝑐𝑎𝑙 𝑊𝑎𝑡𝑒𝑟𝑠𝑐𝑎𝑝𝑒 𝑏𝑒𝑙𝑜𝑤 𝑜𝑢𝑟 𝐴𝑟𝑡𝑠 𝑀𝑢𝑠𝑒𝑢𝑚, 𝐼𝑛 𝑆𝑎𝑖𝑛𝑡 𝐿𝑜𝑢𝑖𝑠 𝐶𝑖𝑡𝑦, 𝑎𝑏𝑜𝑢𝑡 𝑎𝑛 𝐻𝑜𝑢𝑟 𝑎𝑔𝑜](https://www.facebook.com/jonathanphillipfox/videos/603225920815720)\- I’m still wet, actually- **damp, anyway**, and My Mother asked whether the elaborations [on the water feature were from the 1904 world’s fair preperations](https://forestparkmap.org/post-dispatch-lake)\- this might surprise you, but, there are some places in America where the whole 20th Century Didn’t Work Out So Good, where, People Have Been Long Aware that it impossible for progress, at least, all of it, to be the thing it’s described to be, and where, quite commonly, you’ll hear people mark the start of the decline at the sale of our city from an Proto-or-quasi-anarchist absolutist imperial monarchy, to, a Nation Where Our Empress Would Have been considered Non-Human Properties as a Matter of Law; it’s rude to, “race,” someone, but I know how they did,and I also know that she was the last queen mother of an Imperial Rome, that, The Catholic Pope Said Her Voice was Closer to God’s than His own, and, that she was a normal lady, a widow woman, with crooked teeth, two young children, bad debt and a pug dog named, “fortune,” that he set fire to all of the feudal states save england, made all of their aristocracies into Ashes, save for england, and Gave Her the Nation of Italy as a Gift, when, She’d told him she loved him, but, that he’d never had a job before and didn’t have any money and being popular at the Salons wasn’t much for the future, and, this just slays me, when He Gave Her Italy, as a gift, and when she became empress, of an empire over an ocean and through the earth it was so wide, with which she did The Beau Arts Thing, these things, beautiful things, Fortune was still alive, the little Doggy; like a Cartoon, these things do not happen in real life, but, they did, it’s just incredible to me; anyway,

 In 1904 Saint Louis Hosted the World’s Fair Exposition and the Olympics at the same time; the city which did, is, to read about, unreconizable but for the massive, massive, bones and bodies; there are 100,000 houses of usher, here, and that is literally, true, but, um; so, my ma asked about the neoclassical fixtures around the water, and I said, “yes, this is from the 1904 world’s fair,” and then I asked them,

 “Have you seen the House of Mirth?”

 …and then I turned to my brother and I said, “you know how sometimes Saint Louis gets things, like, ‘wull, I thought, well I thought it was supposed to be like that,’ wrong quite often and it’s rather sad; this is not that, this is an instance wherein an attempt to make something mundane….

 …Like Our Arch; Our Great Gray Rainbow, see, it was built by a Finn, from Helsing Forest, Eero Saarinen (can’t mistake that name if you’re familiar with finnish vowels being, That Many) and this Finn from Helsing Forest Who Came here to die to build us a Mundane Traffic Statue with a Big Price Tag of Federal Money that needed, as a matter of fact, to buldoze the waterfront districts, such were the constaints on the design, but, Mr. Saarinen, Confronted, with, the Expizione ’42 Promos Featuring His Gray Rainbow Called Mussulini’s Triumphal Arch to the Eternal Victories of Fascism, well; Mr. Saarinen said, “No.”

 He said, “that’s not,” it’s similiar, sure, “but that is not my Rainbow.”

 It wasn’t, either, that’s obvious, see, in Helsing Forest, for 1000 years, at least, The, well, ANY, Great Gray Rainbow is the Harbinger of one thing and that’s the End of the World; the end of the world, see, God the Father Tricked Glory into betraying His Good and True Friend, the Vonagander, now, The Bleeding Mouth of River Hope, Chained to the Earth, The Great Black Wolf, The Great Red Dragon, die Wassepanzer, beloved brother of the God of Death known as, “hidden,” [who loves us when we’re weak and loves us when we’re cowards and loves those who die still little kids](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dnq87n4zmD4); and Loves the Real and Honorable Warriors Too, Frission, you know this thing, that’s Her Bathing Us in the waters of Death, because she loves what we’re doing, loves what we’re thinking, loves who we are, she knows that she’s not a sinner, you see, and she’s not, and so knows that Freude, as such, is not an indulgence or something wicked, it’s something true; it’s something unlimited, violence is holiness, it can’t be limited into boxes it ends all of the boxes it’s echoes ever touch and the same is true for [eros](https://scontent-ort2-2.xx.fbcdn.net/v/t1.6435-9/242150802_10110135654359370_3462258763095980953_n.jpg?_nc_cat=100&_nc_rgb565=1&ccb=1-5&_nc_sid=730e14&_nc_ohc=M-PjC2I8w-oAX8v1I3V&_nc_oc=AQkPJLuPcw_nIjjT4S7pncqBhYN7N6JU6fzSD2CFJkQZ_ST8DqQ35pWlo-VcyyK7Yh8&tn=xP-Sp1dVmtKA73K8&_nc_ht=scontent-ort2-2.xx&oh=a88a100b919f16092d93ffa5dd0f358b&oe=6180BF6E)and the rooms that no one ever leaves or knows again and Hidden Loves Everything That Hurts Until It’s Wet, all of those things, she loves and knows the Volva, the medicine women, mystics, she….a lot of things, this isn’t much Her Story, though, this is about Her Brother, who,

 God the Father said to Glory, “Your Friend,” the Great Black Wolf, the Jotunn of Murder, The Great Great Beast, I’d suspect a Demon Quite like that the Lions of Tsavo were praying to in their Rituals, well None of us can kill or best him, can we?

 ….well, no…..but does this make him, “the most powerful thing there was,” is, in their present tense, No, see, all of the Great Gods and Demons were friends with a Friend of the other, so, even at the worst, nothing was irreconciliable-irreconciliable, never, could anyone, anyofthem, ever, “get away-with,” or think it practical, or prudent, nevermind, necessary, anything like that, to treat any other in some cruel or wicked way, some did, of course, but these were the stories, right, and so just like an american TV Show called Reading Rainbow, NHK, is, spiritually, a Very Reading Rainbow Type Channel,

 “The Most Powerful, ‘thing,’ was none of the Gods or Demons,” No, “It was Friendship!” and the Decency, with which, Friends, Treat the Friends of Friends; until God The Father Fucked that Right up, he told Glory, “we’ve got to do something,” it’s not safe, “you know what we’ve got to do,” and this meant, ‘chain,’ Kill was out of the question, ‘but Lie, Betray, and Chain,” still might work; and they did, “and I know what the Valley Dragon did to tell us,” how he feels about things; He Crippled Glory, “instead of Kill him,” or kill his friends father, he went along with an obvious ruse, with glory swearing certain, and, Glory Said, “do it,” and he did; for His friend, not in retribution, this is the Demon of Furious, Predatory, Killing, of Jaguars and Wolves, Glory is a Warrior, obviously, but he’s also a Lot Like James May from Top Gear, truly, like, ‘through the inventive use of interesting tools and the Virtues of Boys-all-together, nothing is impossible, per-se,’ type, it was true that there was no, ‘hunt,’ possible, nevermind that the whole thing was dishonorable, but guess what?

 1. What wasn’t True, of the Valley Dragon, was then true of God the Father, yep, Now there was a Unitary, Exterminatory, Rule Making Violence Without Limit or Lenience, it was God the Father, this was the Plan, Obviously.
2. God the Father was Working with the Dragon, and, “hidden’s” father, who is Known as Lies; Now, Hidden Does Not Lie and She Does Not Like Liars, I Don’t suspect that the Valley Dragon Could or Would Lie and I don’t know of Him Doing So, Lies Didn’t raise them, Lies left them alone with their Mother, Angerboda, “Anger,” as English Speakers still know her, say, anything, Do, anything, With Angerboda, “the God of All Sorrows,” Blind, in the Present, From Weeping, she only-ever lives or exists in the past, where she’s also always looking, if you’ve got her in your heart, and, you, “sing, sign, say, anything at all,” such that other people, other living things, have….echo, right, “just like prayer tablets worked in rome,” you gotta leave them in the Trivia to make it work, but, you do, it does, “this is that thing, too, the latter, isn’t it?”

Two Also: That was So Hard on Her, and Her Brothers, She’s Got Two, the one chained to the world, and another in the Sea, “scary fucking monster,” literally, is his name, he used to be wrapped around the roots of the Tree Called Life, “the tree of life,” this thing, “that tree,” all cultures have one, you’ve got one in Osaka,

Two Also Part Bee:

 [You’ve got one in Osaka, and,](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tower_of_the_Sun)I would love to coordinate some considerate and passionate arts projects between Our Great Gray Rainbow, and, Your Tower of the Sun, in Osaka; I’m Suomi, I like to daydream that I’m like the ainu in Japan, there are, Ainu, still, and you can see me, if you want to; I look like Bjork, I look Kazakh, I look Uigher, and My Mothers Mothers Mothers all Came from Helsing Forest, above the Artic Circle, where the Sun Doesn’t Rise for 50 Days, where the Baltic Drips Underneath the world; 9,000 years, and that’s science, says so, and, “Hidden,” is the Mother of Everything that lives in the Dark; She built a House inside of Death where a lot of the people I love live now, and I remember a woman without a face, who used to carry me around in my dreams, when I was very very small; she’d leave me in a laundry-basket, and leave that on the ceiling, odd things; in these discourses, Death and Sleep Paralysis are Identical, and the House that Hidden built is the part of that place that isn’t so crazy, and scary, that’s what I meant by, ‘loves the meek,’ loves the cowards who were too, principled, in some respects, for this world; She loves the Nanas and Grandpas and little kids, and no one told her to take care of them, she just, Did, and it is not possible that she’d forget to take care of them, or, stop doing it, she’d just, never, not ever; So She Knows it’s not a Sin to Be a Trap Queen, right?

 Have you ever seen someone’s pupils get very, very big, and look like they’re made of, ‘something else?’

 I have, once, and if it’s what I think it is, or, might be, it was Her; anyway, back to the story, and back to the,

 “O.K. SO What with the Tower of the Sun Yadda Yadda,” Yadda this, God the father cut down the Tree of Life, “murdered the Semiotic Structure of Neological Living Things,” cut it down, made it into a Gallows, Hung Himself, went to See Hidden, and She was like,

 “….look, bruh; no, mhmm, I Do Get To Choose,” this was a little in Debate, because, she didn’t send things back, before, But She Put Him Up for like a Week and Then Sent Him Back, “With Thessseeeeee,” with what, “a Reading Rainbow,” Kind-of,

 Literally, “the letters,” these things, Euroscript, Letters, “these are Ghosts,” and Friends of Hers; She introduced them to God the Father, “and He Brought them back up here,” it’s Value-Neutral, it’s just whatever, they existed already, just, In Death, “now they’re here,” also; which I’m fine with, I’m a writer, or, think of myself that way; other people do too, “I’m fortunate to know the right people,” it’s got little to do with me, but, “yeah,” so, “that’s what happened to our tree of life,” You can Tell,

 Can’t You?

 Somethings’ Dead, “or quite like it, anyway,” so what happens next, Well, the Gods and Demons Live Directly North of the Eastern end of the Bothn Bay, off of the Baltic, In Helsing Forest, under the world, also, where yesterday is, and I’m Damp-ish, but where the Afternoon is, that I spent with my family; there’s this thing, this rhetorical question, and I consider these, “meant to be answered,” of course, that’s the excercise, they’re illuminating, but ask of the atheist, Full, Not at all Mystical-also Materialist,

 “…are the Dead Real?”

 You say, “the Gods aren’t real,” Marcus Aurelius said that was Wicked, and, I Tend To Take His Word For Things Like that, He Didn’t Say, ‘wicked,’ much, but; you say, “Gods, Demons, these things, Not Real,” O.K. well we know that this world is Non-Deterministic when it comes to everything that matters to us, all living things, and, all living things in groups in systems, are, Dynamical Systems, these don’t have predetermined ends from some-or-another structure of means, it’s just, Not How Those work, and, thankfully, we do, now, understand how these work; they’ve got patterns, they’ve got structures, they’re just not predictable, “we can’t predict the future,” huge shocker; o.k. I live in a City, where, a lot of people die, “where and when and how people don’t usually, in, the global north,” but we’ve all just been through, are still, going through, a thing; one out of every, 500 americans, is dead, all americans have interacted with a person who has a died, recently, whether or not we know who that was, it’s better if we do, for us, I’m not calling them anything who don’t, but, o.k. in that moment of interaction,

 Even-Stevens, them odds, “could have been me,” could have been you, “it wasn’t,” but it could have been, that was not decided, and, it’s obvious, it’s the only obvious thing, this, that that, those, persons, were looking at us and being with us in the real world in their whole world we were the, ‘part,’ and they were the whole, and now, that Material Whole is Gone.

 I’m saying, “there is the part of the world that’s got the light in it, and the sounds in it, the, “Now,” within which I’m typing,” and then there is the other part, where, I’m knowing-these-things, I could say, “picturing,” but it’s not, strictly, visual, or the most of it isn’t always, I could say, “imagining,” but I’m trying, quite, Deliberately, to Be as Truthful as I can be in the Resonance of these things, insofar as that’s how it will Transiliterate, if, it does at all, which I don’t know that it will; I’m not making things up, in other words, I’m thinking quite hard about how to describe, necessarily, immaterial things in these material terms, “through these ghosts,” who will carry, or, not carry, these words to you; I’d prefer, in this instance, to say, “Knowing-these-things,” in, somewhat, Phantasia, Sidebar if I remember to link it but that’s not the point, here,

  K.k.k.k..k.k.k. alright, So Those Chains Will Break, “all chains break,” all things break; Gods are not, “things,” and Neither are we, “and it’s a question, just, it is a Rhetorical Question, but,” I think it better the less I answer; you and I are not making, Binary, Deterministic arguments about the nature of this world like we can know everything, “see its limits,” I can’t, “I know that,” but for those who do, I think it’s worth asking, “binary, Yes/No, Are the Dead Real; Do the Dead Exist, or, are the Dead a,” fraud a myth whatever you’d like to call the other things, “but I do not think them different,” in fact, I know, them to be the same; anyway, so that’s that thing,

 The Great Gray Rainbow, “for a thousand years, at least, in Helsing Forest,” has been known to be The Sign, which, the rainbow,

 “…..the reading rainbow again!” the Rainbow Carries the Gods and the Demons to and Fro, “that’s more figurative,” but the prophecies, written by, Volver, Volva Witches similiar to Maenad, Just Like Groa, Long-Long-Long ago, said, “there will be a Frozen, Gray, Huge, Rainbow,

 …and this will be the Sigil for all of the True Warriors from all over the whole world and all over heaven and all over Death, to, Go To There Right Now, because, This is the Battle of the Doomed Gods, this is where everything Dies.

 Maybe.

 It is supposed to be where the battle is, anyway, and the theory goes that the Dragon Goes to His Momma and Says, “what do I do,” and she’s like, where the fuck have you been, Oh My God, What DId They Do To You I Cannot Believe It go get all of the Beautiful and Delicate things from that awful, awful, wicked earth and take them down to your sister’s house, and He Does; and then He asks Her, “what do I do,” and She Says, “Kill Hate,” Work, “and Mockery,” Booze-and-fun-time, “So that noone mistakes you for them,” and He Does, and these Drive the Sun and The Moon, and He says, “o.k. well, what, what now,

 …and She Says, “Kill Everything Else in the Dark,” and this is the End of the End, nothing on the earth, nothing in death nothing in heaven nothing with a name everything is blind and deaf and dumb to the dark forever; or, maybe, I’m right and He Cares about his Friends and His Sister Loves us up here, too, knows that there are still things we can do, should do, maybe everyone knows the obvious, says-so, “God the Father has been working with lies, the two of them did this together,” mmm; bangs out from there; this god the father is not, “perfect,” like in Christianity, obviously, and I know that you’ve picked up on that already, but, you know what?

 If James May, makes, a Good Glory, good enough, in these discourses, well; well I think that Jeremy Clarkson makes an acceptable, low-low-context, or, who to play him in the Drama, God the Father; for real, “He’s Lovable,” and Should Be Hated, in a number of More Numerous, nouns, sure, “Hey, I said, ‘people say, ‘He’s a writer,’ because I’m fortunate to know them,” right, so; but you can imagine a Betrayal so Fucked it Left James May Crippled, His Buddy, just, The Suffering, and Nothing More in this Life, and Vonagander means that the River Hope is bleeding out of his mouth, “Don’t Follow it,” You’ll end up inside of him; the Dragon; \[LINK HERE JONATHAN LINK HERE\] \[Note, everything, everyplace, is, Special; there is nothing mundane, that’s…Lies\]

 I think the River Hope Might Very-well,[or, more than other places, refer to the Missouri I mean I don’t know that it doesn’t, and the Wassepanzer Does Dwell Here, this I know, Blood on blood on blood on blood, most violent place outside of a Warzone on earth](https://www.theguardian.com/cities/2016/aug/17/lost-cities-8-mystery-ahokia-illinois-mississippians-native-americans-vanish); North Mexico is an International Civil War, just, “El Chapo wins it,” He gets sent to the Great american dungeons, “whole thing starts over,” Raytheon or whatever makes Petrodollars, “which are, by-the-way, What is, Really, Fake,” aren’t they; so,

 …..so…and, this Brother-of-mine, He Knows This Shit already, right, He Knows Of Our Rainbow!

 …so, I need, merely, insinuate these discourses, and then say, “The House Of Mirth is That Kinda Action,” Real Ghastly, “real weird,” played straight like we don’t know it’s not-normal, “for out of towners,” we, I, but, a lot of people I know half-jokingly call; people from Cleveland, New York, “San Francisco,” Texas, Foreignors, just; this is an odd place we all know it, “we’ve got real wide circles under our eyes, here,” we’re not those Americans who Do Not, who have had the experiences necessary to determine the difference between their own perspective and reality,

 …and it’s called the, “Battle of the Doomed Gods,” the, battle; hypothetical, battle.

 ….and um; if all living things are Dynamical Systems, “well it seems to me the Gods/Ghosts/Demons are the strange attractors,” and I wasn’t just trying to sound Monumental when I said, “Violence is Holiness,” so is [Eros](https://scontent-ort2-2.xx.fbcdn.net/v/t1.6435-9/242150802_10110135654359370_3462258763095980953_n.jpg?_nc_cat=100&_nc_rgb565=1&ccb=1-5&_nc_sid=730e14&_nc_ohc=M-PjC2I8w-oAX8v1I3V&_nc_oc=AQkPJLuPcw_nIjjT4S7pncqBhYN7N6JU6fzSD2CFJkQZ_ST8DqQ35pWlo-VcyyK7Yh8&tn=xP-Sp1dVmtKA73K8&_nc_ht=scontent-ort2-2.xx&oh=a88a100b919f16092d93ffa5dd0f358b&oe=6180BF6E), so Is That Whole-Heart Selfless Love, so is, “a lotta-lotta stuff,” which, we can make, “boardgame rules, For,” but it’s not gonna follow the rules; it’s not going to impact us in those terms the rules have defined, and it’s not going to leave the, Surviving, Emergent, Revenant, Recalcitrant or Revengeful Parties, in the same terms as they’d been, meaning,

 ….meaning, say, next time the Great Gray Rainbow and the Tower of the Sun get dusted off for audiences, say, we do work together; at first, “but then…” oh, but then….and it’s my, fault, if anyone, “Definitely, Mine,” but it’s war, “it’s…gotta be war,” policing war, “we’re modern people,” but then the DEA, “something,” the usual-er, or, the, way, I’ve explained this principle before is that, if I’m a rich factory-owner, I’ve worked at a plastics factory, I know what all of the people who work at one are like, the owner tried to set me up with his granddaughter; now, “I’m more empathetic than Amerikanski Oil Man Drink Your Milkshake RIght Up, and, I think that Sort of Man Boring, Also; but say, I’d married Her?”

 She’s gorgeous, I’d have been lucky, to, I was too young to recognize those overtures for as earnest as they’d been; I don’t come from a christian family, either, in some respects; like I said, “I look like Bjork,” I’m a Mockingbird, also, and I come from a Rich Family, so, everyone tends to take me for theirs; doesn’t mean I know how it works, first path around the butterfly’s wings,

  …so, if I’d married Her?

 Well, it would be absurd to suggest that this, [Eros](https://scontent-ort2-2.xx.fbcdn.net/v/t1.6435-9/242150802_10110135654359370_3462258763095980953_n.jpg?_nc_cat=100&_nc_rgb565=1&ccb=1-5&_nc_sid=730e14&_nc_ohc=M-PjC2I8w-oAX8v1I3V&_nc_oc=AQkPJLuPcw_nIjjT4S7pncqBhYN7N6JU6fzSD2CFJkQZ_ST8DqQ35pWlo-VcyyK7Yh8&tn=xP-Sp1dVmtKA73K8&_nc_ht=scontent-ort2-2.xx&oh=a88a100b919f16092d93ffa5dd0f358b&oe=6180BF6E), and Love, would be, “off-board Trivialities,” as a Matter of Definition, and that, the relationship I’d had with the rules and the objectives and the considerations of everything, “important,’ would remain the same, no, obviously not, Simliarly, if that had happened, and then, the Ordinungspolizei of der Trumpfenfuhrer, successful in his coup, in this world, had then Occupied Our Home, well; well, the relationship of this plastics factory to the May Company is Quite Significant, it’s their biggest and most reliable client, I have no idea why, it’s, really, so uninspired work, by, design, it doesn’t have to be uninspired it’s just, “What’s Macy’s Stores have wanted,” and I’m not insulting anyone else’s work more than mine, if, you are in a Macy’s Store, anywhere, Manhattan, that one with the old escalators in Manhattan, or, any of the other ones at all, ask to see a Price Check Scanner; Look up, Mint Green, Opaque, Transluescent, kinda, milky, clear-white sign that says “Price Check”

 I made all of them; every, single one, whole process, “mailed them to,” one of them got a lot of blood on it, and I didn’t wanna ship it, but then decisions were made; Acrylite FF and Lexan, blend them, you get bulletproof glass, So, t\*\*he Trumpfenreich Sehr klasse So Geile 10,000 Years Grabem’\*\****by-you remember, starts,*** **Doing That Bad Thing It Wants/ed,** “mmm,” [May Company will have to Fuck Itself](https://youtu.be/PfQBGtjjiA0), “we’re making Zip Guns, Ballistics armor,” knives, if need be, stealing the material, if need be, because who cares if the May Company Gets it’s new, men’s shoes, signs, on time, but we’re all Dead, right, Dead or wish we were, We here in Saint Louis, we fought back when the whole damned country thought we were the problem and the police were being reasonable, I mean, ours, knew, Slmpd is Amerikanski OMON, real Graveyard Motherfuckers, just read about them; speaking of,

 It’s Vontober, “for Vonderitt Meyers,” I’m not a Pacifist; an adult, Drunk, Cocaine Dealer who is now known to have been an Overt Racist and known to have mistaken him for another young man he’d been chasing, because He was Drunk, this same police officer Resigned in the Middle of a Shift because He Got into a DUI accident, in his squad car, and he drove it into a ditch, and walked home; he left a Kilo (likely, more) of Cocaine he’d been Dealing, In it, inside of it, and told the colleagues who showed up at his house, “I quit,” and closed the door; well, October a couple-now-years ago, He Mistook Mr. Meyers for some other kid, Mr. Meyers was out on South Grand-and-stuff, google it, walk from the Gelataria Del Leone to where he died, but walk past his school, Roosevelt Highschool, on google maps, but pretend it’s milky-breezy-slow-purple twilight autumn with all of those Big Trees Sounding like the Ocean and Laughter and Hijinks echoing through the air, as, things did around here once upon a time and, look, it’s not us, it is Not Us, The Police Were Run, then, by, the State Government- the same one still runs the school board, SLMPD had been taken away, literally, from municipal control, Because they’re So Militarized it was Thought to Be A Succession Risk, their Terms, so, the Same State Government Banning Masks and other safety-measures, these people, same people, 80, 120, I’m not sure how many miles from here but it is an existential universe/and/or a european country, from here, and these are not people who like us, know, anything about our city, haven’t even heard of the places, I think, a lot of them, they’re the ones in charge of the police, at this point, now, it’s rather nebulous because of a racist billionaire who tried to buy them for himself, it’s a long story, but, “maybe things are looking up,” our mayor might be their napoleon, now, “who knows,” I don’t, but imagine that night, and I’m saying, “he was on probation for the railroad-onto-the-parole-officers-books,” as such, Most, In the Fucking Country, maybe, Explictly, kinda shit happens to young men here; you’re either, “1% adjacent,” or, fucking, Disposable, here, Life is Quite Cheap, “and it’s not because people want it that way,” it’s just so grim, that, people don’t know that it can be different; really, people, don’t know it can be, “but,”

 He was on Probation, he was carrying a weapon,

 …and He was Shot in the Back, by, a Drunk Man, a Police Officer Selling Cocaine, Twice His Age, who mistook him for someone else; and this is known, he was shot in the back, by, surprise, k. and I think It Heroic that he pulled that weapon and Shot Back on that Nice Night when he’d been out with his friends and he thought he had school the next morning and he thought he’d have a whole life, and he’d been shot through the spine, and he was fallen into a Brambly-bush, holding him up like a scarecrow, and He Did The Most Enormously Brave and Courageous thing, He tried to Drag that Motherfucker Down Under the Water With Him; he was Shot, 25, 28, 30-something times with 9mm Parabellum, as a result; quite possibly, that officer would have executed him, I do not know, no one can, except we can know, same as him, that he was, Definitely, Going to Die, if He Pulled that Gun, and that He Definitely, Didn’t not Choose this fight with a man with whom he had no quarrel- had never fucking met before- on a nice night, as young guy, and He had just learned how bad it was going to Hurt, to die like that, and in Knowing, that, if He WON, well, His life was still, absolutely, going to be forfeit; but he fought back, like a Real Warrior, and here is the thing, You Don’t Know This, But I know that this was The Real Motherfucking Last Straw, or, First, all of us in the street, together, for those of us in the Saint Louis City, as opposed to the Counties, everyone, everyone, all of the old people, all of the middle aged people, all of the Rich Gentrifiers Dressed like TV Presenters and Me and My Drunk ass friends were all in the Middle of the Street, the big one, in 15 minutes, an hour, I don’t know, but no one could make up a story about what had happened we all knew, immediately, from eyewitnesses, and, all together, the Police Tried to Use Force Against Us Like We Weren’t The Whole Fucking Neighborhood, what a fucking joke.

 …it was over, with that, that’s; Death rattles and Death rattles, “that’s when it was over,” you can’t take that back; if Middle aged people with work in the morning, it was a Wednesday Night, iirc, were getting black guns pointed at them by Tactical Soldiers in Armor like it isn’t their fucking street, yeah they fucking did it didn’t they.

 There is no other reason, no other excuse or understanding that makes sense.

 ….anyway, “Vontober.”

 I respect the Jain, and, I respect The Warriors, but I don’t know how to respect Passive Aggressionists who say, “would that it were so, would that we could, but, we can’t, and, if we could, No One Else Would, So, We Can’t, But it’s Important to Hold Everyone to that standard, Reductive, and Not Listen past their willingness (or not!) to follow the rules we know not to be moral, or, know ourselves not to hold, or, that we ourselves know would hold us safely,” I respect Nogi Maresuke; I don’t even know how I started reading about him, but, I cried; I think that he was right, and, I think that Japanese would be a Dead Language if he hadn’t done what he did; and he didn’t forget The Global, the Meaning of Things, that life and death was holy, “we all stand in awe of your souls’ mountain.”

 These things; it’s not the fault of the soldiers he killed but I have not known the strutural entities of which those soldiers were an enslaved portion to, stop, or, have mercy, or, know how to even Describe what else could matter but a few, reductive, heuristics and these in the mood that they’re taken by, “some other,” the mass of people, in their eyes, “some patriarch,” it’s not something known to them, “this matters because it’s moral,” that shouldn’t be killed because its beautiful, “this should be done because I’m In Love.”

 Like I said, Much, Earlier, “like a prayer tablet,” and if I’m not honest to you, about a Hero, to me, “then, what should that matter,” right; in front of whom, should I say, this thing, such that it matters. I think that he was courageous and good, I know that he was, and I think it is especially, especially, important for people who don’t have a means of touching spiritual matters to study such martyrs, “it means, ‘witness,’ you know,” and that’s what such people were, are, People Who, saw, the Right, the Good and the Wrong, in their Enormity, and, I live in the west, “power corrupts all, all power corrupts, and No Little Person can Do a Thing, We’re All Forced To, We’re All Forced to,” no, No, all anyone can make any of us do is die, and, there have been, out of their own courage, in this real world, People Who Did the Right thing the Whole Time Until they were dead; to me, Mata Hari is another one.

 That’s another long story.

  SO, that House of Mirth,

…and it got me thinking, “and Perfect being the enemy of the Good,” if I start to make an artwork of the maps to show you what was at the 1904 worlds fair, I will not stop, until it’s beautiful, “I’ll do other things, also,” but it could be years; and I think these things quite important to study, think about, and talk about, imperfectly, “unseriously,” all Good and Decent and Useful talk is Not, “serious,” it can’t be; serious is a Reduction, “unserious,” is our full self, all of our personae and voices and humors and feelings, “anyway,”

 What I’m suggesting, is,