edit 2: FIRST OF ALL, I do not have the time or the space to get into the schism between the two camps of Richard Karn supporters, the Karnivores and the Karnheads. Suffice to say that anyone who considers themselves a Karnivore is a pedophile who is a danger to themselves and others and should be put down immediately.

edit: since some of you can’t seem to read, yes this is real, no you can’t have any of my KarNFTs, yes I am posting this against the advice of my lawyer

Hello all. I (46M) am an avid collector of Home Improvement memorabilia, ever since my sexual awakening to the Tim Allen “UUEEGGHH?!?!” sound. I was only 12 years old when I heard it for the first time, but my memory of that hot, enormous load I shot still gets me off to this day. My pants were so loaded with my boyspunk that I learned how to laundry that day just to hide it. It broke the washing machine but that’s a story for another day.

My wife (39F) and I met at one of the regional Home Improvement conventions in 1996, in Cincinnati. We hit it off immediately, and her insatiable lust and cuckolding fetish fused with mine into a beautiful partnership. All these years later, we still love to get the power tools out and absolutely go to town on each other. Where her body, my circular saw, and my full latex realistic 1:1 Richard Karn mask begin and end is hard to say in the throes of passion.

A few days ago, Richard Karn announced a premiere collection of KarNFTs, and as one of the most prominent Karnheads in the upper, upper Midwest I knew I had to jump on them. I moved all of our money into cash to prepare for the drop. But my wife just doesn’t see this opportunity like I do. She threatened to leave me if I don’t ignore the most important NFT drop in our lifetime.

I’m just not sure what to do. Please help.