The first thing you gotta know about comedy, really, is, that it’s fake.

It’s fake, it’s not real.

Okay, it’s not a real job, you can get a real job, you can go be an accountant, you can go be a doctor, you can go be a lawyer, you can go be a veterinarian, for all i care, hell, you can be a scientist, you can be an astronaut, you can go to space, for all i care, I don’t care what you do with your life, okay, i don’t care what profession you have, you can do anything you set your mind to, anything you set your fucking mind to, you can do it, but if you choose to be a comedian, you gotta know you’re not choosing a job, you know, you are not choosing a job, you are choosing to be a court jester, you are choosing to live outside society and basically what that entails, is that you gotta get rid of this notion, ever, that you’re gonna make your mother proud, you are not, you are not gonna make your mother proud.

So remember, nobody wants a comedian for a son, not even a comedian, I have a son, he is now 20 years old, he is in college, figuring out what he’s gonna do with his life and i told him, if you become a comedian, I am gonna fucking kill you.