ahem

Pandas make me really angry. Yes it’s wrong their habitat is getting destroyed but bamboo is useful as fuck and we are growing more to try and compensate. Furthermore this wouldn’t be a huge issue if pandas themselves hadn’t swapped to sustaining themselves on bamboo because they’re lazy as fuck. You think nature designed a herbivore that big? Show me another vegetarian bear…. They swapped to bamboo and that’s why they’re so listless and lazy and useless as fuck, they sleep all the time and got no libido because of it. Get them back to eating meat and they’d start fucking and could live on their own. For fuck sakes, some lazy greedy bear gets to get pampered and watch porn all day (they have DVDs made for them) while I have to get up and work? Lazy, lazy, lazy fucking shits I really hate how much money is spent on them to. Although given the fact that China has not one animal right law I think it’s pretty likely if people thought they were magic or some shit they’d be hunted to extinction by now. But no, is it because of their colour scheme? Do people actually find them cute? It’s just a bear with shit camouflage, for fucks sake why don’t you go admire a lemur instead? They’re cute as fuck and acrobatic and shit and actually know how to fuck each other. Wasting money on giving pandas sex lessons? Even snails know how to fuck.

Jesus Christ I hate pandas ok. By the way if you make this speech in public people get really pissy with you. Another reason to be pissed at those lazy greedy non humping fucking bears. I’m not kidding, I really do dislike them. They’re my least favourite animal and that includes even wasps and shit, because at least a wasp is good at what it does, fucking shit up with its arse needle. I hate pandas so much, my family used to get pissed off when we’d be watching Attenborough or discovery channel and I’d just have let loose my tirade against them. Otherwise my blood pressure just spikes. I need to let out my diatribe, although on occasion if I was feeling fatigued I’d just hiss and boo (like they were pantomime villains) until they fucking got off my screen. You don’t want to be there when a charity advert comes on for them. Snow leopards in those adverts I got no problem with, they’re all alone and probably have some great mental fortitude, they’d take you back to their shack to drink vodka and be all grizzled like some Siberian peasant who accepts their lot in life. But pandas wanting charity? Man NOT FUCKING GETTING MY MONEY ENTITLED LITTLE SHITS. I’d rather give it to Mtombe who needs a new well or cup of water or something. I’m not paying for lazy bears to watch porn all day because believe me nobody pays for me to do that and I likely do it better than them. Hell they even watch the same DVD repeatedly, it’s like get some fucking options. Get some class and some taste. Thanks for listening.

TL;DR fuck pandas

Credit to u/tacosantequila