And why the fuck would you want *that?* Mushrooms are empirically disgusting. They are the worm-iest of foods. Worms or mushrooms?? **YOU CAN’T EVEN TELL.** Mushrooms are literally fungus. Did you know that the FDA legally allows 19 maggots and 74 mites in every 3.5-ounce can of mushrooms!! Mushrooms taste like nothing unless you coat them in oils and spices. They are slimy weird bulb food!!! Mushrooms are the surprise ruiner of many a pasta. Some of them *LOOK LIKE BRAINS*. Mushrooms look like garbage thrown on a pizza. They’re weird and puffy and scary. Everyone thinks vegetarians want a portobello mushroom sandwich or burger. Mushrooms are a poor and creepy excuse for a meat substitute. AHHH IS IT TOUCHING ME? I FEEL LIKE IT’S TOUCHING ME. Mushrooms make a very unpleasantly colored soup. THIS IS **AN UNHOLY UNION** OF LIFE (ZUCCHINI) AND CRUEL, SENSELESS DEATH (MUSHROOM CARCASSES). Does this sound at all appetizing??? A mushroom once told me it hated puppies *AND* Beyoncé. Thanks for nothing, mushrooms. You are not a fun guy.

Sauce: u/Max_KarmaDude