I’m on keto so I know what I’m talking about and understand your digestive situation. That said, whoever is going into the break room and sharing their keto farts with the rest of the office needs to cut it out. The smell lingers forever, and it’s spreading to the nearby conference rooms and upsetting our client. HR already knows about this problem, and they’re ready to take measures to ensure this stops. So, please quit farting in the break room before you end up in serious trouble. You don’t have to turn yourself in or respond to this email – just knock off the keto farting. Otherwise, we will find you and expose you. That’s not a threat; it’s a fact.
One last thing: If you’re the owner of the weeks-old tuna sub sandwich in the fridge, please clean it out. Nobody else wants to touch it.