Group project from /r/exmormon


What the freak did you just flipping say about me, you little Apostate? I’ll have you know I graduated top of my class in Seminary, and I’ve been involved in numerous splits with the Elders, and I have over 300 confirmed baptisms. I am trained in the Commitment Pattern and I was the top converter in the entire Church. You are nothing to me but just another unfaithful servant. I will dust my feet at you with precision the likes of which has never been seen before upon the face of the Earth, mark my freaking words. You think you can get away with saying that “anti” stuff to me over the Internet? Think again, brother. As we speak I am contacting my sacred network of Danites across the USA and your IP is being traced right now so you better prepare for the brimstone, maggot. The brimstone that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your life. You’re flipping dead, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can cast you out in over seven hundred ways, and that’s just with my bare hands. Not only am I extensively trained in the laying on of hands, but I have access to the Signs and Tokens of the Holy Temple and I will use them to their full extent to smite your miserable kiester all the way to Kolob, you little turd. If only you could have known what holy retribution your little “clever” comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would not have spoken ill of the Lord’s Anointed. But you couldn’t, you didn’t, and now you’re paying the price, you stinking idiot. I will let Satan’s water wash over you and you will drown in it. You’re flipping dead, kiddo.