Life is shit. But it’s yours.

I tried to kill myself once. It didn’t take. Since then I’ve lost more jobs than I can count, too many family members have passed, my partner had a stroke & is now blind and my son is a compulsive liar who hates me. But fuck it, I live on. Why? Because I’ll be damned if I let the bullshit in my life get the better of me.

I grew up wanting to become the best in the world at something. Then as I got older I decided that I’d settle for just leaving a mark – any mark – on society. Now it’s just surviving till the next day.

The urge to end things will be strong. And it’s probably not gonna go away. But you need to find your center. Your mantra. What is worth living for? There is always something. Even if it’s something as negative as to spite the universe itself. Or something as stupid as Cadbury Creme Eggs. I’d kill for one of those.

When I go – and it will be on my fucking terms – I’m gonna stride up to whatever deity has sought fit to turn my life into a melodrama and kick them square in the crotch before I rip their head off. That image alone has kept me going through many a tough time.

And while my partner and son need taking care of – and I’m the only one able to do so at present – I will still look to the thought above and smile. I’m not going until I’m ready. Don’t you go until you’re ready. because you don’t sound ready. You sound emotional, and down, and like the weight of everything has fallen into your shoulders. That’s not you being ready to accept your fate. That’s taking the easy way out to shed the weight from your shoulders.

Take a deep breath, scream your lungs out, punch a punching bag until the sand falls out, do whatever you need to do to calm your mind and ask yourself where you wish you had been rather than where you are. Visualise asking your pre-teen self. Tell them what you feel and hear what your mind has to say about it.

Just don’t let the universe get the better of you. There’s a whole lotta fucked up shit out there, and you’re not getting through it without getting a little dirty. But you can get through it. Nothing worth getting is easy to get – a fun king stupid saying but the most truthful of all that I’ve come across – and life is well worth it.

And look, we’ve all done horrible things, or things we regret. That’s life. We fuck up, it is in our nature. What defines us is how we recover from that. Don’t regret the things you’ve done. You did them. You learned from it. You made you more… you. Offing yourself just proves you haven’t learned anything. Don’t make that mistake, learn from whatever shit you’re in now and transform. Use this moment as a starting block for a new era in your life.

The world is out there. I should know, it’s been mocking me for years. But it can be faced, and even defeated. You can conquer your own demons and give the universe the finger. You just have to know where to start. For some it’s believing in yourself. For others it’s knowing they believe in you. Find what you need inside to keep going and strive for it. I can’t guarantee you’ll be happy right away, but you’ll be showing the universe what you can do.

And when you do, punch it in the gut for me.