TIFU by getting horny while on a river
Throwaway for obvious reasons, and this happened yesterday not today because as soon as I got home I passed out on the couch.
I (17M) decided to go for a paddle board ride on the river near my house. I left at about 8 o’clock not worried about it getting dark because I only expected to be out for 45 minutes tops
Me being a stupid horny teen, I thought it would be a GREAT idea to jerk off while i was on the river. I don’t get much privacy at home with my family so I figured why not since no one was around to see me way out there.
So flash forward about 10 minutes, I’m finished and I’m ready to start heading home when I realize that at SOMEPOINT my paddle must’ve fallen into the river and floated away
(Yes they float but i wasn’t paying attention so the current took it along)
I started to panic because the sun was starting to set and I was almost a mile away from the launch, and my service was non existent
At this point I knew that it’s gonna be pitch black pretty soon so i decided to hand paddle AGAINST the current in frigid water (it’s like 45 degrees Fahrenheit this time of year) for almost a mile.
After 45 minutes of hand paddling and LOTS of cursing under my breath, I made it back with numb hands and down a paddle.
I told my parents that a big wave tipped me over and I lost it, but I owe them 50 bucks for a new one which is fair I guess
TLDR: decided to jerk off while paddle boarding on a river and my paddle floated away, resulting in me using my hands to paddle nearly a mile in cold water