Disclaimer: this is weird.

Recently I was talking with a friend via steam. I was talking about how the Xbox one controller irritates me, but in an unusual way. See, the box comes with the stuff you’d expect. Instructions papers and legal disclaimer from Microsoft, and most importantly, the controller.

It stands on a sort of white holder. And that’s the problem. To make it convenient I have the controller on the holder so I can easily pick it up when I want to play. The holder is always white, no matter the color of the controller, and I said it irritated me, because all of my extra equipment for my PC is black and it’s the only one thing.

See, at the back of the holder, there’s a hole, and I talked about to my friend, wondering what it could be for. I assumed, and still assume, that it’s for batteries. Now, upon mentioning this hole, my friend says “put your dick in it lol”, or something like that. I laughed and replied saying I wouldn’t do it, but then I was like “what if it did”.

And this is were disaster struck. I pulled out the holder and realised how sharp the hole was. I went like “meh, it could still fit through”. So I tried it, without lube of course, because I don’t have any. And God I was wrong. Immediately after forcing it through, my dick gets hard and I quickly realize I have to get it out. It won’t work, but I’m dumb and I don’t realize I’m fucking up. At that point, my dick starts to hurt. And because the hole was sharp, I also bled a little.

After that, I bust a fat one, on my desk none the less, get my dick out. and clean the hole mess up. So if you want to do this, don’t. It hurts and is useless, and you’ll just make a mess. And I still haven’t got any confirmation if that hole is for batteries, since I don’t think they’d fit through.

TL;DR: Don’t put your dick in the hole that comes with the “holder” for the XBox one controller, it hurts, isn’t satisfying and you’ll make a mess.

Thank you for coming to my TED talk, I’ll happily take my award of dumbest person of 2019.