I am what you call a flatuologist: a scientist that studies farts. I have been working on an efficient way to collect multiple farts and combine them together into one big giant fart. How it works is that the fart donner takes off his underwear and sticks a 5 cm long plastic tube that is 2 cm in diameter up his butt. Next the cheecks are spread and a balloon is attached to the other end. The donner then farts into the aparatus. Once the participant is done passing gas, a clamp is placed on the balloon and then tied shut. Multiple other fart samples are obtained using the aforementioned steps.
After all the desired number of fart balloons have been obtained, they are opened and the fart gas is suctioned out using a laboratory vacuum into a steel cylinder. It us estimated that 500,000 farts can be stored in this container, but so far I have only managed to collect 121 farts from my own rectum. Once I reach 2,000 farts, I’m going to build a majestic giant mechanical buttocks that will produce a fart at 100 psi and at 80 decibels!
Flatuologist here again. I can’t believe I forgot to tell you all about my groundbreaking discovery. I was able to convert seminal fluid into seminal gas which could then be inserted into a sphinter to be passed as a gas.
Here’s how it works, seminal fluid is obtained by masturbating to fart noise audio (personal preference don’t judge). Next the semen collected is mixed with distilled water where the water added will be 500% percent the volume of the semen. Next the mixture is boiled to remove all dihydrogen monoxide. The result is what I call “semen powder”. This powder is then mixed in with liquid fart gas (complicated procedure don’t ask about it) and heated lightly and stirred at 50C. After the mixture is homogeneous, the liquid semen fart gas is brought to the gassifier, where it is converted back to fart vapor and mixed with methane gas.
I’m thinking about selling these semen farts in spray cans and marketing them towards women. I’m working on a similar product for men but I can’t find any participants wanting to donate period blood.