Medival European:

>King Leopward XXXVV invades the proto-Germanic Ballsackenburg sublime holy duchy of 147th Rome in an attempt to force Princess Anne MXX to suck his cock and secure an alliance against the Spanish Habsburg el goblino creatura’s Holy Alliance of the Danube, Sicily, baku, The Pope (allegedly) and Crete.

>between 1 to 1,000,000 troops engage in the nigriver Rhinewestpedoepsteinburg and fight for 6 million days,followed with 8gorillion days of castle siege, only to retreat with status quo antebellum, setting the stage for the 19th invasion of England by the King’s successor 2 years later.

>unknown number of dead,probably three, unknown number of wounded,most likely in the thousands, several anuses marked with the radiant holy judeo-chrstian-Arab republic of le italiano squantants family seal

>then a plague happens and kill everyone because they did not have masks and social distancing at the time,afterwards a famine happens and the local village starts using all its stored food supplies,composed of four potatoes, a dead sheep,and your leg.


Roman:

>for the 12th time this decade,the Senate OBESVS PORCVS decide to send his best roman general “Maximvs niger ano est” to the east in another military campaign to steal some good shit strengthen the rule of rome in there.

>congratulations! The romans won!,as for the casualties:Rome:130/Greece:jinja billion zillions(source:dVde trVst me,)

>after the general have won he comes back 9 years later to Rome with many new discoveries from Greece like gods,art,music and FUN FACT:The romans even brought sex from Greece and later found out that you can have it with women aswell.

>20 years of relative peace pass,and four new philosophers are born,they say some shit about Rome,then they die

>a long war period starts, because the old consul couldn’t resist fucking the wife of the tribe chief of one of Rome’s oldest client states,the tribe of PATHET,in the pussy,with his BBC genes causing her to give birth to a mixed child that isn’t from the tribe,and making the tribe chief a cVck,kick starting the PATHETIC WARS (420 BC 318 AD) the war where the tribe chief died by an arrow while screaming his famous warcry I CAN’T BREEEED

>the pathetic wars come to an end,as general virginus dickus,claims power in a coup after betraying his alliance with PORCVS and MAXIMVS,aka the Vth triumvirate,he afterwards declear himself dictator for life,but is later killed by his wife,Incontinentia BVttocks,who was having an affair with porcvs

>23 STAB WOUNDS,YOU DIDN’T WANNA LEAVE HIM A CHANCE HUH?he was bleeding,saying to you”e tu? BVttocks?” but you stabbed him,again and again and again,and now witness,as Rome falls into chaos since you chose to ignore stefanus molyneuxus’s warnings about non-white kraut immigrants arriving in rome,you traitor!

>words of the judge to incontinentia BVttocks,309 bc,recorded by the roman historian Biggs Titus..


China:

>emperor Chou LMAO reigns for 80 years while things stay the same,peace is stable in china and the only real threat are cases of northern nomads raiding chinese towns and shitting in their rice bags, Art is made and scientists make technology on accident just to try to bulge the emperors cock veins,careful though as the emperor’s cock veins are said to have full control over the universal circle of life.

>emperor dies by a stroke,a heart attack,and a poisoned knife in his back all at the same time.

>Baichi zhan rebellion occurs as 9.000.000 feudal lords declare the Mandate of Heaven.

>7th warring states period begins, 900 years pass.

>billions dead,quadtrillions wounded, XiangGou wins the war and starts the ching chong Dynasty, crowned king of new Dong empire,his rule will last only 79 years.

>aaaaaaand repeat this same circle over and over for centuries till you achieve socialism by 2050,10/10 for planning.


Mongolian:
>ÖöőöõöõõöŵAwAaaaaaaaÖöőöõöõõöŵAwAaaaaaaaaaaa *kill 10 millions and make a thicc empire in less than 50 years*

>go back to ööőöõöõõöŵAwAaaaaaaaaaaang


Arab:

>lead your army to the already fucked byzantine empire.

>arrive at the camp of patriarch camacopolospous xxvi and challenge him to a 1v1 fight.

>win the fight simply by turning left very fast AND SLAMMING HIS HEAD OFF WITH YOUR MASSIVE DICK.

>laugh at his soldiers as they run away (all of them are probably feminists since they didn’t want to fight for the patriarchy)

>Get invaded by croosaders in the 17th croosade,called by the pope sexico the uighure,who can’t breed.

>pursecute the famous scientist and scholar,abu al-gaydaddy and put him on trial for heresy,because he claimed in his last book that Aichas’s father’s cousins’s mother in law’s friend walked past a guy who saw satan at night in his backyard,and his left nipple was more red than his right nipple,find him100% guilty and send him into exile.

>the current caliphate,ibn al-shitmead is a NEET comfy guy who doesnt care about the divisions between muslims and just wants to grill kebab and fuck all the women in his multi-racial harem for allah’s sake.

>the capital of bagofdads gets passed around like a prison bitch between arabs,turks,persians until it finally got KHANNED.com in 1258.


Africa:

>do nothing in the desert for years

>build a few cities by luck but fail to preserve writings from turning to dust.

>become rich as fuck,then go out and redistribute your wealth so hard you fuck up other people’s economy like the OG doubleM communist you are.

>go south

>get conquered by Juan Hernandez Ramirez maria de les Luisa e Picasso and his 5 ex-con femboys.

>get kidnapped and sent on a one way trip to work as a slave in ancapistan.

>get conquered by the souf FC,jolly mary Battalion.

>Give the britbongs a kick in the nuts before getting aim-boted by gatling guns.

>you see britongues finally leaving africa except for a few autist wite bois who call themselves the last Rhodieboos.

>they refuse to let you in the parliament and keep treating you like their left nutsack

>you win against whitey.

>years later,retards from porn image boards are implying mental gymnastics to prove that the Rhodies dindu nuffin and they a good boy.


American:

>your dad escaped angloland,as he should.

>he married a hot, native american girl called pokeherhotass,and gave birth to you,a racist,self hating EL abominacíon.

>you join the Anglo in the 7th battle on the assholeabookofuckyourself mountains, against salty french frogs.

>burgers protest against paying shit to the crown,harass redcoats with rocks and snow till they fire.

>it is said that here is where burger autism emerged,as burgers called the death of 5 people by actions they started a massacre.

>rebel against grace-chan the 3rd of the house of Cunttington.

>kill chief fuckabitch from the shootaload tribe and force them to sign a treaty they can’t even read.

>kill dying empanadas,and more malnourished Indians with bows and gangrenous Spanish people in glorious manifest destiny.

>John Smith (not that John Smith the other one)now decided slavery= bad.

>pseudo-enslave black people after the end of slavery anyway.

>get btfo’d by any credible power that hasn’t been beaten to a pulp by someone else already.


Australian:

>be vibing with didgeridoo for 50.000 years on the coast

>giant ship appears and starts dumping people convicted of stabbing their wife’s boyfriend in the mouth.

>Get sent to Gallipoli and get killed by a bullet from the rifle of açhmetmanögĺü.

>lose a war against discount ostriches.

>get sent to new guinea and get killed by weaboo jones,master of Rosetta stone.


Post-ww1 Russia:

>you and your goons calmly ask the tsar if he can become a communist so he could be spared from the evil things he have done to the people.

>He replies:NOOOOOO! I WILL NEVER BE A HECKING COOOMIE AND YOU WILL NEVER BE A HECKING WOMANINO BASIC ECONOMICS ANIMAL FARM VUNEZUELA IPHONE NO FOOD GENOCIDE 1000 MILLIONS SOCIALISM BERNIE SANDERS ANTIFA SOYBOY ÖöőöõöõõöŵAwAaaaaaaaaaaangaaaang AND LOGIC NOOOOOOOOOO!

>he hen dies after being shot 1917 times in the chest.