What? What do you mean I’m a terrible person? I don’t understand why you’re being like this. I’m not a fascist, why would you say that?  Because I’m a WHAT? No, of course that’s not what I said, are you kidding? Oh, I see. Oh my god, that’s actually so funny! I totally get why you were pissed, it makes total sense now. Believe it or not, that’s a pretty common mistake. No, you just misheard me. What I said was I’m a member of the *Yahtzee* Party.

You know, Yahtzee? The dice game? You roll five dice, and you’re trying to make different number combinations out of the dice, and certain combinations allow you to yell “Yahtzee!” and really rub everyone’s face in your Yahtzee. Yeah, so the Yahtzee Party is a sort of loose political party based around that game. Oh no, we’re definitely serious. We’re very real, and we’re very serious.

What’s our ideology? Well, I guess it’s based in reading Yahtzee the game as a political text. Roughly, we’re socially conservative, but fiscally liberal. For example, the Yahtzee Party, well, the American Yahtzee Party, believes that marriage should be between a man and a woman. As Yahtzee tells us, there’s the possibility to roll a Small Straight or a Large Straight, but not a Small Lesbian, or a Large Gay. We’re a party of family values; in life and in Yahtzee, the best thing is a Full House. However, the Yahtzee Party is pretty strongly in favor of expanding the social safety net. In Yahtzee, everybody gets a second or third throw of the dice. It should be the same way in America. People shouldn’t have to be stuck in bad circumstances.

Really? I mean, I guess I get where you’re coming from when you say that, but I don’t feel like it’s that much crazier than identifying any other political party. Did you vote in the last election? Who’d you vote for? Do you know what ideologies, what traditions they’re basing their beliefs on? Forget that, do you feel like you even know what their beliefs are to begin with? See, I do! I voted a straight Yahtzee Party ticket in the last election, and I knew exactly what everyone I voted for believed in, and why they believed it. That feels really good. As a matter of fact, I know personally almost everyone I voted for. That’s the upside of belonging to a “fringe,” “crazed” political party, it feels a lot more like family.

Yeah, it is pretty cool! You know what, if you’re interested, you should totally come to one of our meetings some time. The first half is a lot of political organizing, but then we all just play Yahtzee together, as like a bonding exercise. Oh, right now we’re working on getting this mayoral candidate in Palm Springs elected. He’s not a member of the Party, but he’s definitely a Yahtzee sympathizer. He actually collaborated with the Yahtzee Party during the war. The Iraq War, which war did you think I was talking about? Yeah, we have a website, just Google “Yahtzee Party.” Oh, actually no, that’s not our website, those guys are Neo-Yahtzees. Yeah, the difference is they go by the completely bogus 1961 Yahtzee rulebook, as opposed to the 1956 rulebook. The 1961 rulebook is just NOT Yahtzee anymore. By then, the game had been completely corrupted by the Jews.