If I stab/shoot myself in the stomach/ so deep that an organ starts to bleed and go to the hospital, will they cut open my stomach and remove the fat to find the bullet/ stop the organ bleeding in order to save me? I hate the way I look and I feel so hideous, disgusting and fat. My parents always comment on my weight, appearance, and how much food I eat. I did those BMI calculators and I’m pushing overweight. I can’t even look at myself in the mirror, but I don’t look overweight. Just a bit chubby. I want to kill myself, but I know that’s selfish and I don’t want to leave my family and friends. I tried eating less, counting calories, and working. But after awhile I go back to my old habits. I have an autoimmune disease and my medications also make me gain some weight. The disease also restrains me from going out in the sun for too long. I’m trying to workout again, but school is coming up and I feel so insecure.