To start, I gather them all up in some uncivilized area of Africa. Over the course of many, many years (I’m not very old), I take care of the giraffes while they produce many babies. During those years, I develop a religion around those giraffes and myself, and I try to spread it to the nearby local tribes. To get funding for supplies, I travel to zoos around the world, showing off my giraffe taming skills. With this money, I hire scientists to develop body armor for giraffes. I then equip the now millions of giraffes with this armor. My religion should have attracted a bit more followers than I have giraffes. Because the religion is developed around me, these followers will listen to me no matter what I tell them to do. I train this army of followers in giraffe riding, the use of fire arms, and doing both at once.

When the army is ready, I march them north into the Middle East. During this time, I had been funding terrorist organizations in the Middle East to keep that area destabilized. This makes conquering the area quite easy, and I now have access to their resources and weaponry. Many of the locals are devout Muslims, but I convert as many as I can into my giraffe religion. I then conquer Africa and the stans and convert the populaces. I then march my whole army into India. This could be one of the more difficult campaigns, but once I am done, conquering the rest of southern and southeastern Asia was easy. After having conquered India and Indonesia, I managed to convert many of their populace to my giraffe religion. My army now numbers in the tens of millions. I have also adopted elephants into my army as I’m starting to run low on giraffes.

At this point, I give my army a chance to rest. I use this time to turn my lands into a theocracy with me at its head, known as the Holy Human Giraffe. With a government formed, I set out to stabilize my lands. After I’m done with that, I gather my armies back together and set them out on boats out to Oceania. I quickly conquer eastern Australia, and then with some slightly higher difficulty, I capture western Australia and New Zealand. I bring my armies back north and position myself for an assault on southern Europe from Turkey. Many of those countries surrender immediately.

At this point, the rest of the world is in chaos. I had trained some of my zealots as assassins, and have had them constantly kill higher up figures in developed countries. The remaining countries of the world can’t really put up much of a fight. With the world now in a weak state, I march up through China and conquer it, Mongolia, the Koreas, and Japan. I then march through Russia from the Asian side and only really have trouble with the European half of it. Conquering has become quite easy at this point, and with developed countries being reduced to a near anarchy state, I am now able to quickly march through the rest of Europe like I could with Africa. Once that is done, all of the Americas surrender except for the US. Despite the US being stubborn, I quickly manage to invade it.

As the Holy Human Giraffe, I work on restoring peace to the world. The entire world eventually reaches highly developed levels. Giraffes are now able to roam all over the world, and are revered and cherished. I then set up the world to focus on important things such as renewable energy, climate change, and space travel.