why do I feel so empty bored unfulfilled like somethings missing like I want something more like there’s this giant bottomless infinite hole inside me. So I try to fill it with all kinds of junk, but these don’t work they give me a quick high but these don’t last it can be frustrated addictive and wanting more. So I think it’s me, I’m the problem I need to be bigger better smarter funnier better looking. So I build myself up on the outside and become some person that I don’t even know that I don’t even like, me inside I beat myself down sometimes severely. I feel more empty, then I think if I get my shit together have the perfect job with the perfect life perfect money and all those shiny things I ever wanted that will fill the hole so I work and I work and I work and I work and I work but these things never work out the way I wanted and now I get a deal with dead dreams and feeling like a failure and even if they do workout and I get to the top and all things I thought would make me happy when I get there I look around and I say ”now what?” somethings still missing. Time passes the emptiness is been sitting, festering, fermenting, farting becoming toxic and it changes me making me bitter and self centered and I blame everyone and everything around me for not fulfilling me and I go from job to job relationship to relationship place to place leaving the path of cheeriness along the way. Ultimately I’m tired I’m done searching I just don’t care and I give up trying to solve the mystery with the hole and just deal with it I’m perfectly fine going back to stringing together enough distractions and stimulations to get me through keeping me moderately satisfied until the day I die of course on the outside no one would ever know everything appears to be going exactly how I wanted it to go exactly how I planned it to go a big success the perfect person but on the inside I’m all alone and I groan.