As many young men find themselves the urge to please themselves, I too had found enjoyment in this. I had masturbated in the shower almost every time I took one. It became just a part of my routine: soap, shampoo, masturbate. I did this for about three years. I had never noticed any real drainage problems from built up semen or anything until today. I was taking a shower and found myself standing in still water after I’m done. I decide to wait until it drains then after the water is gone, I unscrewed the drain cover and behold, a solid block of hair and mystery substances all held together with my very own semen glue.

I instantly winced at the site. The smell that found itself protruding out was the most unbearable smell I have ever smelled in my entire life. I almost threw up. There was a small gap on the side that water must’ve seeped through to drain which would likely close up soon. I decide I must take care of this before someone else tries to take a shower and discovers my masterpiece. I grab a fork, because that was the best tool I could think of at the moment, and try to scoop the sludge out. Instead, the cheap fork I had chosen almost bends and I learned that wasn’t going to work. I needed an upgrade so I grabbed a hammer and chisel and started going at it. I also took a drill with the largest bit I had and drilled holes through the gloop so that I could break it easier. I told my family that I was just fixing the towel bar because I pulled it out of the wall to avoid any suspicions about the clatter. I work at clearing this out for about an hour. Half way through my body gave in and I heave up my dinner all over the shower so I had to clean that too.

I clear the solid just to find a new layer which is less of a solid and more of a sticky layer of the same things. Close to peanut butter. I scoop this out and then I regurgitate whatever was left in my body. After again cleaning this vomit, I discover the final layer which consists of a chunky, gray soup with hair, semen, and now my new addition of vomit at the bottom but out of reach. There was no way I was going to be able to clean this so my work would have to suffice. I put all the substance in a plastic bag to throw away. The bag must’ve weighed over five pounds. I put the cover back on and went downstairs to throw the bag away outside which is when I noticed the smell. That putrid stench had carried itself all over the house and was noticed by my mother. I told her that I had also noticed the drain was “a little clogged” so I cleared it up. She decided she’ll buy some drain cleaner tomorrow to use. I then spent the next half hour deodorizing the house with a whole can of Febreeze. I am now sitting here typing this, partially scarred and now knowing that I will be sure to tell my future kids not to jack off in the shower or else they will have to deal with the infamous gray sludge.