## **THE SCHIZOPHRENIC COWBOY**

A screenplay by /u/tea1w4

*Opening, the woods*


Schizo cowboy: my horse got AIDs, it’s dead, fucked my wife to death, she dead. What is a man to do.

*Schizo cowboy roams around the forest, saying nothing while 21st century schizoid man by king crimson plays in it’s entirety.*

Schizo cowboy: I’m famished.

*He then turns to see a stuffed raccon on a tree stump. The quality of the raccon must be poor.*

Schizo cowboy: oh shit.

*Schizo cowboy then pounces on the stuffed animal, tearing it open with his teeth.*

Schizo cowboy: damn, that da best.

*Whip crack sound effect from Johnny test*

Schizo: What in tarnation was that?! (Screeched)

*Schizo cowboy then searches the area, while the whip crack sound effect plays repeatedly*

Schizo cowboy: I’m gonna kill you, and then I’m gonna eat your shit.

*He then finds a stuffed snail, with a whip, the whip must be from a shady sex shop. The shadier the better.*

Schizo cowboy: I’m gonna kill you.

*Schizo cowboy then shoots him with a toy gun, the gunshot is to be the camera man saying pew pew*

Schizo cowboy: and eat you shit.

*Schizo cowboy then eats the snails shit, this should be waded up chocolate, or real shit, if you are into that. Make sure it’s gross and there is a close up.*

Schizo cowboy: dessert. Yum.

*Banjo music starts to play.*

Schizo cowboy: oh God the demons are back.

*Schizo cowboy then starts to scream in pain, this sequence should go on for exactly 7 minutes and 6 seconds. After this he stands up and goes to drink from a stream nearby.*

Schizo cowboy: that was refreshing. Yum.

*Santa then appears, coming out of the of the Forrest*

Santa: Hoo Hoo Hoo, you have been a good boy this year.

schizo cowboy: you hooed your last hoo.

Santa: HOO HOO HOLY SHIT

*schizo cowboy shoots at Santa, killing him.*

Schizo cowboy: well, guess I’m on the naughty list now.

*The schizo cowboy then looks up, seeing something in the sky.*

Schizo cowboy: no, it can’t be.

*The camera then pans in on a single cloud, them back the schizo cowboy, who drops to his knees.*

Schzio cowboy: *Tim Allen grunts and screaming*

*After a few minutes, the schizo cowboy recovers.*

Schzio cowboy: thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you.

*A second kind crimson music video, this time to moon child. The schizo cowboy will find and crush bugs. If you don’t wanna crush bugs, then just move around strangely*

Schizo cowboy: better. I needed some of that grub.

*The schizo cowboy then hears something and turns around to see the grim reaper.*

Grim reaper: prepare for DEATH 2

*The schizo cowboy shoots at the grim reaper, but fails, he is then shot himself by the grim reaper.*

Grim reaper: I got the fastest bones in the west, cuckhold.

*Roll credits to rattle snake by king gizzard and the lizard wizard.*