Well you know how there’s people? Women are a subset of the total population and there’s some physical differences between the men and women, but I won’t get into that right now. But perhaps the most important difference is that women are the people you want to talk to because you’re at your friend’s party and you’ve seen them across the room and you just have this feeling, it’s hard to explain. So you start walking over to her and you’re thinking of what you’re going to say, how you’ll introduce yourself. Maybe you pop a breath mint because you want to make a good impression.

So you get over there and you say hello. She smiles and says hello back. Your heart starts to beat faster. You’re feeling your face get flush because this is the big moment. This is the moment you’re going to really start the conversation. All those mental conversations come into to play. You start saying your name. And that’s when it happens: the biggest fart you’ve ever let loose in your life.

Suddenly she bursts out laughing and spills her drink on the bar. And your cheeks are really getting red now, but it’s bad because your heart has just sunk into your stomach. Nothing is going according to plan. And that’s when you start smelling smoke. Because when her drink spilled, the bartender was lighting a birthday candle for your friend Greg and the alcohol soaked everything. So the bar is on fire now and the bartender is hightailing it out of there. The ceiling starts collapsing. Smoke enters your lungs; you start coughing. You get outside and the fire department is desperately trying to fight this blaze, but they’re losing and this fire is spreading. Next thing you know the blaze has set an entire city block on fire. People are screaming. Dogs are barking.

The hours go on. The fire reaches the capital buildings and suddenly your entire government is on fire. Soon they’re gone. Nobody knows what to do. Rebel warlords start popping out right and left. You’re suddenly in the middle of a civil war and the fire is *still* burning after three years. Bombs start flying. You’re forced into one of the rebel armies and get rolled over by a tank but somehow you survive. Ten more years go by and the civil war ends. The new government comes in. Somehow someone finally puts out the fire.

The war is over which is great, but your old home is in ruins. You shack up under a piece of metal, but rats bite you and one day you wake up missing a kidney, which is just great. But you push through and finally get a job again. You get a new house and soon you get a letter in the mail. A new friend of yours is getting married so that’s awesome. You go to the engagement party and while you’re there you look across the room. And what do you see? A woman and you think to yourself that you should talk to her, that the third time will be different. But it’s not.

Does that explain it to you?