That’s it. I (26M) said it. My girlfriend got a horse a little over a year ago, and it was nice to start, we’ve been dating for a little under 5 years, we bought a house together, so it’s not about the timing.
She’s (23F) been taking horseback somewhat seriously, and at this point it’s all she does. Goes to work, comes home, horse videos. Goes to see her horse, comes home, horse videos. All we talk is horse. All she talks is horse. We haven’t had sex in months, at this point I’m tired of hearing about this horse. I tell her we don’t hang out, we don’t spend time, we’re not intimate. Her response? I’m busy, spend time with me and my horse.
She told me she’s taking weekends off to spend time with me a couple months ago, but guess what? Her weekends immediately result in, you guessed it, her teaching her coworkers how to ride a horse, and the other day to spend her whole day with her horse.
I am sick and tired of everything being about this horse. I’m going traveling by myself at this point, we were supposed to have those weekends to travel and spend time together. We even were gonna bring the horse together so she can ride on the weekends. I supported her journey with her horse in the beginning, because she was willing to put in the effort to spend time with me too. But now, i can literally go the whole day and not be around, come back at midnight, and it’s “how was your day? Cool, heres what me and my horse did” for 2 hours.
I’m sick of this. My place in this relationship has come to me being an accessory; we don’t fuck, we aren’t intimate, we don’t even kiss. She just tells me she loves me and expects me to believe that.
I don’t want to stray away from this relationship, but everytime I bring up spending time/ being intimate it’s met with “I work a lot, I’m busy, I know I don’t put in the effort as much, but I’m running out of daylight to ride my horse.” Legit I just fought for time with her to be met with “wake me up early so we can spend some time before I go see my horse”
Well guess fucking what? You’re running out of daylight in this relationship. Asking me how I’m doing doesn’t cut the mustard in a relationship. You need to actually do some work outside of that. I’m not the housemaid, anymore, I’m tired of being treated like I’m some kind of roommate.
End rant. Is this what being a man in a modern relationship is like nowadays? I’d rather be single.
Edit: for context, I used to cook every meal everyday. I used to rub her feet, her back, her butt, without asking for anything back. I’m a legit chef, who chose woodworking as a career. I still send her texts and tell her I crave her, I love her, I want her. I used to be spontaneous, romantic, I used to put in that time. I’m still the only one who cleans, who cooks, who puts in that effort. All I get is a half assed asking how I’m doing while her phone is up, horse video queued up, and she gets annoyed when I don’t express every feeling with her I have. It’s like, yeah, I’m tired of everything being about how you’re trying to take horse riding seriously. I’m taking wood working seriously, I work 80 hours a week, at home, and I STILL put in the effort to show you that you matter to me. You work 35 hours, put in that time with other people and your horse.
EDIT: I hate the internet some days
So it’s morning. And all of these comments are everywhere. The solution I’ve chose moving forward is to talk to her about this one last time and bring up the idea of couples counseling. I want to work on this relationship, were not married, but there’s so much put into it that I can’t see myself giving it a fair chance with some extra communication.
To the people who suggested harming the horse, absolutely not. I’m better than that, and I respect animals so much that I refuse to do any harm.
To the people who suggested leaving, I’ve considered it. Everytime I bring up how I’m not happy to her it’s met with “if you want to end this just end it” which indicates to me that she’s possibly checked out a long time ago anecdotally speaking.
To the people who’ve considered counseling, I’m gonna give it one last try.
EDIT TWO: I’ve written a letter to her I’m going to read when she’s done with work. It’s got everything I’ve already said, wanted to say, and feel. Well see what comes of it tonight. Wish me luck guys.