I used to work at McDonald’s. We had to memorize the entire wiki. All of it. They’d quiz you.

If an employee failed, they were taken to the Green Room. They would never be heard from again.

I still have nightmares. Even after narrowly escaping that wretched place with my life, even after the years of therapy, I still wake up screaming “HAMBURGLAR WAS VOICED BY HOWARD MORRIS IN MOST COMMERCIALS, CHARLIE ADLER IN SOME 1980’S COMMERCIALS AND ‘THE WACKY ADVENTURES OF RONALD MCDONALD’ AND CARL W. WOLFE IN SOME 1990’S COMMERCIALS.”

I’ve considered suicide. But I can’t end it now. Then the clown would win. I have to stop this before it’s too late.

Ba da ba ba ba, motherfucker. I’m coming for you.