(All credit to u/woflcopter)


Through a mutual friend, I got set up with Young Thug for a date.

I pulled up to his house around 6, which was odd because a) I thought he’d be a gentleman and pick me up, and b) he’s rich and has a ton of cars. Regardless, I picked him up and he entered the car.

On our way to the restaurant, the sun was setting, and I tried to avoid getting it in my eyes, but even though I had the visor down, Young Thug kept having the light bounce off his watch into my eyes. Each time I told him to stop he’d stop for a bit, then resume.

When we sat down at the table, Young Thug read out the entire menu to me. It took about 10 minutes and he was mumbling any difficult words he didn’t really know how to say. He also replaced every “C” with a “B” sound. I swear I felt the other patrons eyes on us the whole time.

It got worse. When the waiter came to our table, Young Thug threw in adlibs when I was ordering, and then he adlibbed himself when it was his turn. Before requesting any food off the menu, Young Thug asked for some “sliiiiiime” and “brack”, but they obviously weren’t on the menu, so he ordered the cheapest side dish on the menu instead.

Each time I tried to strike up a conversation with Young Thug, he would constantly point out his jewelry and make me guess how much it cost. He’d even ask the price of the same piece of jewelry multiple times.

The waiter finally came with our food, and while we ate, Young Thug insisted on eating without his hands. He also must have had his glass refilled with water at least 6 times, but he never even went to the bathroom.

When we were done, I asked if he wanted dessert and he said yes. When I started reading off some of the menu options, he pulled out, like, 8 Milky Way bars from a pocket of his skinny jeans and ate as many as he could at the same time. The waiter came back with a billfold and a few hard candies for us to have after the meal. Young Thug asked if I could pay for our dinner and not to leave a tip, but I tipped regardless. Young Thug also took all of the hard candies and ate them without taking them out of the wrappers.

We finally left the restaurant and it was dark out. When Young Thug learned that my right taillight didn’t work, he said he didn’t want to get in the car with me because he said the police were looking for him. He decided to walk home, which must have taken at least a couple hours.