Hello, I’m from the Government, with an important message as we enter the third decade of the twenty-first century. Things are going uhm… fine, overall, the Amazon is fine, half of Africa is fine, so is the Arctic, Indonesia, Spain, Greece… even Greenland is on fucking fire- I mean, fine. Scientists have coined a new term for this stage of climate change we’re entering: We’re Fucked. Unlike the previous stage, which climate scientists called “Listen to us or we might be fucked”, We’re Fucked is happening, and in your lifetime, This is thanks to us wasting decades pissfarting around climate summits with non-binding emission targets whilst handing out subsidies to climate criminals, obstructing renewables, and generally not giving a shit that rising C02 levels are about to trigger what scientists call “Feedback Loops”. A Feedback Loop is the scientific term for when a species uses its own ignorance to screw itself and everything else around it so hard that it’s own planet tells it to GTFO. Some people are already experiencing We’re Fucked such as these Pacific Nations facing rising sea levels who recently begged Australia to please stop burning coal, to which Australia responded, “get fucked”. The combination of We’re Fucked and Get Fucked will cause wars to break out over access to food and water, except in America, where the Chosen One will just nuke hunger. But please, don’t panic. If the realisation that We’re Fucked troubles you, why not ride a bike to work? Have shorter showers, or send thoughts and prayers? Just don’t join the global climate strike this September or the Extinction Rebellion in October, because a sustained, collective movement would force us to take drastic action and turn this ship around. Which might be doable, if enough of you demand it, or you could go to Area 51 and demand to see the aliens, in which case we’re definitely fucked. This has been a messahe from your local Government™️ franchise, authorised by the department for Going Gentle into That Good Night.