One time when I was a teenager, I went to this girls house and took 3 or 4 tabs of acid. At first it was chill, because there were only like 5 or 6 people there and we were all tripping, but then a bunch of other people started showing up who weren’t tripping, so I got paranoid and went in her back yard to hide.

There was a shed in her yard with like lawnmowers and shit in it that I went into to hide, and I found these old cans of silver and brown paint. I put my fingers in it, because idfk why, and it felt weird and I liked having one brown hand and one silver hand. So then I took off all my clothes and painted my whole body brown and silver and just laughed and laughed about it to myself.

I tried to start the riding mower, but couldn’t find the keys or maybe just couldn’t figure out how or something, so then I went back into her yard. I thought it would be funny to leave a silver dick print on her siding, so I smacked my dick on the wall and I was right that shit was funny. So then I went back and grabbed the can of silver paint, and would like dip my dick into it and then smack the wall, over and over.

So I did this for like 10 minutes or something, just dip and thwap and dip and thwap over and over, and I had legit tears of joy running down my face, and everything was so perfect in my life. But then fucking Josh Morton came outside to take a piss and found me, and he was like “YOOOO! THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS DICK STAMPING THE WHOLE HOUSE!”

Then everyone in the house came outside and found my naked painted ass and my 57 (approximate) dick prints on the house, and like none of them understood why I did it. Nobody there was on my level and it ruined my perfect life experience. Also the girl never wanted me to go to her house again.

Fuck you, Josh Morton.