I logged onto Reddit today, and I feel humiliated to say I’m still in the same shitty situation I was in half a year ago. I’m now 19, and I really hate that this isn’t a happy ending kind of post, but I’m still stuck living with this man. I know this might not make sense to a lot of people, but he’s the only person that cares about me in this world. at the end of the day he’s the only one that would never judge me for all the shit I’ve gone through and for how broken I am, even if it means I have to deal with a few shitty situations every now and then. I live with someone that’s been taking care of me for the past 2 years or so. He’s the only person in my life that’s ever loved me for me, and I have space to do whatever I want, be it traveling, meeting other people and whatever I want, as long as I’m there for him whenever he needs me, which could include business meetings or simply him wanting to sit down with me etc. I currently am trying to look at things in a very objective way, and consider the negatives of this relationship, which include his violent tendencies and sometimes messed up behavior. but as a person that’s been through hell ever since I was born, I see this as a small hiccup considering everything I also get in return. anyways, this post isn’t really about my current situation, It’s more-so about my mental state, and the fact that I’m still having nightmares about my childhood. I still wake up in the middle of the night anxious, and the repressed memories of sexual, physical and mental abuse keeps coming back. I was raped by my dad, and pimped out to strangers ever since I was about the age of 6, up until my teenage years. I guess it never really hit me, how messed up everything is up until very recently. I have a lot of issues with self image and perception, I hate my reflection and see myself as ugly inside and out. For me sex is mostly something used to get things out of people, or something in which I have no say in. Anyways, I’m also going through a lot of things right now in my life, and it’s all really overwhelming, and I guess I’d really appreciate an online friend that I can talk to about anything, without the tension of worrying about seeing this person face to face, and I guess it might feel safer, and judgement free I guess.