You obviously have no idea what you’re talking about. These are a different class of pattie than your typical quarter pounder, a smash burger. Smashburgers find themselves at the extreme end of the pattie thickness spectrum, opposite thickburgers. The pros of smashburgers include a crunchy texture and a delicious umami flavor, imparted to them by the maillard reaction (google that if you don’t know what it is), by way of their low volume to surface area ratio. The shredded lettuce, or “shredduce” as we call it in the industry, is bountiful and provides a clean bite, as well as keeping the bite from being a dry-bite. Cheese on both patties compliments the savory umami aspect and compensates for moisture and juiciness that smashburgers do not give. Ketchup does not belong on burgers; in fact, ketchup does not belong anywhere. It is for children with unrefined palates who cannot eat a meal unless it has been sickeningly sweetened. You almost hit the mark with your next comment, but miss the point still – the sliced tomatoes DO pull a heavy weight, with no need for onions or pickles to muddy the flavors we have built here. The same answer can be given to both your complaints of the toothpick and bread: this is a man’s burger. It is not for the weak-jawed and the unperceptive. This burger is a responsibility. The toothpick is as much a symbolic warning as it is a structural necessity; if you bite me carelessly, I will bite you back.

As usual, you were this close to being a part of something great. But you were just a little too dim-witted and slow to put all the pieces together.