> be me
> be Apple user
> wake up late for work because my HomeKit compatible smart lights got stuck updating and didn’t turn on
> look up how to make breakfast on Apple Safari but page crashes halfway through article
> end up eating dry pancake mix
> shower in silence because my $10.99 monthly Apple Music subscription ran out
> check Apple Weather forecast, says sunny so wear t shirt and shorts
> go outside, pouring rain
> open Apple Maps to find bus route to work, best option is 1 hour and 57 minutes
> told to walk 20 minutes to far away bus stop even though there’s a closer one
> wait at bus stop, play games like Mad GunS – battle royale and Hungry Shark World because that’s what the App Store said is popular
> see more interesting game on App Store but can’t play it without monthly $4.99 Apple Arcade subscription
> bus arrives, get on
> bus starts moving, phone immediately calls cops without input because it thinks bus crashed
> bus stops, police arrive
> decide it’s better to just walk the rest of the way
> try to use Apple Pay to pay for bus ride
> phone dies halfway through because the always on display feature I didn’t opt in to drained all of the battery
> arrested on the spot

at least I get extra security