TIFU fapping

Throwaway because I no longer have a Reddit account.

Masturbated in the shower this morning. Vigorous stroking triggered an asthma attack. Asthma attack prompted me to exit the shower. Exiting the shower ended with me slipping and falling on my face. Called my roommate for help. Roommate found me naked on the floor, struggling to breathe. Cue roommate retrieving my inhaler. Inhaler failed to do the job after multiple attempts. Condition worsened.

Ambulance was called. Roommate awkwardly helped me into my clothes. Paramedics showed up and put me on a nebuliser. Nebuliser helped me breathe, but little did I know the worst was yet to come. Paramedics said I had a fever and transported me to hospital. Hospital flagged me as a potential Covid case. Got placed in quarantine by nurses dressed up for Chernobyl. Got treated for my fever and tested for the virus. Speaking of the test, never again do I want those long ass swabs shoved down my throat again – it was so damn deep it practically touched my brain. Doctor conducted a thorough checkup. I winced when said doctor pressed on my stomach. Doctor narrowed her eyes and asked what the colour of my poop was. I said “kinda dark but, you know, not outer space dark”. Doctor said “hm” before proceeding to spread my ass cheeks and jam her lubricated finger into my anus. For the record, that finger was thick as fuck and it happened to be the first time ever something penetrated me down there.

Got discharged with a laundry list of prescribed medications and advised to self isolate until I recieve my test results. As of today, the thought of fapping has become nothing more than a source of nightmare fuel, and the feeling of being finger fucked in the b-hole is yet to disappear.

TL:DR Fapping triggered my body to self destruct. Now I might be positive for the virus while having a phantom finger stirring the inside of my asshole, as well as World War 2 level flashbacks every time I wanna bust a nut.