Welcome to Sal’s perverse theater of sexual malcontent where we are serving up ruined sexual pleasure delivered to you in one of three morbid vehicles; a half-baked condom, injection with used needle, or a swift kick to the groin with a steel toed boot. Also featuring a less-than-delightful menu of unsavory sexual activities:

Menu:

Robo-Jr.’s “Special”: Penis Comprehension

Upside-Down-Inside-Out-Backwards Texas Disappointment Sandwich prepared by illegal immigrants who don’t wash their hands before they grope your ballsack

Fresh elephant sperm, toothpaste, and mustard milkshakes with corroded battery shavings and yellow highlighter ink

A public “tricycle-and-butterfly” rape scene performed in the play area of a local McDonald’s


Osito lives in a nest made out of meth needles with some “birds” made out of used meth needles and every time he pets the birds he pricks his hand and contracts a new sexually transmitted disease every time

Fabio was found in the closet unconscious with the power cables from the Nintendo 64 wrapped around his neck and at least a gallon of saliva drooling out of his mouth.

A malicious house fire started suspiciously when highly flammable items such as Osito’s “Johnny B” hair gel and Fabio’s sacred soccer ball and rubber condoms (which were 3 sizes too small) burst into flames when several personal demons entered their household uninvited after spiritually molesting their neighbors and twisting their parakeet’s neck until it resembled a deformed pretzel.