So let me tell you what’s going to happen because you left this comment, Henry. When you read this I’ll be on my way, gliding over lawns and pavement in a beeline to your home. Your doors will unlock and open themselves for me. Any barricades you’ve set up will dismantle. Do you have weapons? I invite you to try to use them on me. They will not work. When I find you I will pick up your tiny body and hoist it above me by your waist. Your shirt will keep lifting up to expose your pasty lower back and midriff, which I know you are self conscious about. I’ll parade you around your home town, your school, and the local markets, and everyone will point at you and laugh. You’ll keep trying to grab the bottom of your shirt and cover your exposed torso but I’ll keep lifting it up again, exposing your pale skin to the cold breeze. I will run around with you in my grip and make airplane noises. After this, will throw you in the river. Every time you swim back to shore I’ll be there to pick you up and throw you back in. I’m sure you felt clever writing this comment. I’m sure you felt like you left a stinging welt on my ego. Get ready, Henry.

[Source](https://www.reddit.com/r/meirl/comments/5yg049/me_irl/?st=J03GHON6&sh=148e1a1b)