My mother comes home suddenly today Sept 22 2023 8:39 PM and says she wants to call the police. “She said no I’m going to sleepover. I said no I don’t want that. I said that I’m going to pick you up now because she doesn’t want to agree” she tells me. I type out her words from this basement. Worried, I ask her to repeat this. She’s shouting and explains that she doesn’t want her having a sleepover with her friends. She said she told her daughter that “If you don’t open the door for me I’m gonna call the police, because I’m going to say they’re holding my daughter inside there”
She then tells me, “I don’t want to take care of her anymore, you know what I’m saying.”
“I can get a heart attack. Unless she wants me to die! She can be the cause of my heart attack.” she says “What do you want me to do” I ask her scared. Talking, it looks like she’s worried that one of her friends will put a towel up to her daughter’s mouth and kill her. She tells me to search up Paul Kenneth Bernardo, who is very evil and has committed the sins of murder and sexual violence.
“How if she gets poisoned there?” my mother says, referring to them cooking by themselves. “You don’t trust anyone anymore. It’s like you don’t trust Putin! Never”. To associate this situation with a genuine war criminal is extreme, but I understand her worry. I can see the tears forming in her eyes, 9:31 PM, she says she’s going to go to the house around 10:00 PM. I ask her if I can come so I can help in this potentially dangerous situation, but I don’t remember her answering directly.
“I’m really going to call the police. Because really she’s a minor. They’re not supposed to hold her there. I’m going to charge them with uh with uh thing. They can be charged. They’re not supposed to hold \[NAME\] there. … That’s the most scary thing.” I feel my right eye twitching by itself in frustration.
My mother reveals that she’s close to developing diabetes. Her blood pressure goes up and down due to her cholesterol. She says when she gets mad she feels physical pain around her chest. And she wonders how she’ll die, by a heart attack or by breast cancer. My head really hurts from all this stress, as usual.
My mother then claims my sister’s friends are gay and says a homophobic comment, so I tell her there’s nothing inherently wrong with being gay. I say to my mother, that a reason why my sister does not want to come home is because she’s scared of our mother. And I tell her she should be sensitive to LGBTQIA+ matters, which I affirm. But my mother dismisses the idea.
\`\`\`Psalm 34:17 NRSVue When the righteous cry for help, the Lord hears and rescues them from all their troubles \`\`\`
My mother says that I’m the only one that she trusts, the only one that can help her. And this moves me close to tears. My mother is an infernalist and I am a Christian Universalist, so is my sister, where we believe that all shall believe in Christ and be permanently saved. My mother says she told me sister that she is not a Christian, but I reply telling her that I see my sister as a Christian. I tell her I believe all will eventually go to Heaven, as per Christian Universalism, she says like “Yeah that’s your personal beliefs” and tells me that her daughter could be permanently lost. How cruel would that be, for “her” who has been abused when young to be tortured forever in Hell. If that’s truly the “love” of God, then please God, allow me to burn forever in Hell alongside her to keep “her” company. Yes… by “her” I refer to either my sister or my mother.
Thus, my mother and I pray together. Around 10:59 PM she tells me that this suffering is to prepare me for what’s to come. I agree. Climate change, war, societal collapse, civil unrest, things are going to get worse and more painful.