Ok, so I have a massive fucking problem with Super Mario 64™️ and it’s not one that a lot of people think about, but it’s a fundamental issue that rips any kind of semblance of rationality from the game’s foundation. It’s frankly astonishing more people haven’t boycotted this game because of it, and it sickens me. Why the *fuck* does Princess Peach even bother sending a letter to Mario asking him to come to the castle? Her reasoning is “I’ve baked a cake for you!”, but this is a fucking garbage excuse. Assuming that Super Mario 64™️’s world has the same level of technology as medieval Europe, the cake would be rotten and highly inedible once Mario even receives the letter, let alone when he finally gets to the castle. If the devs even had an ounce of intelligence, they’d know right off the bat that the very reason why Mario is going to the castle is utter bullshit in its entirety, no sane person would send snail mail over a *fucking cake*. It’s because of this that I have a hard time playing the rest of the game, knowing my dumb fucking main character (Mario) is in this shitshow because he was so stupid as to believe he could eat a cake WEEKS after it was baked without any modern freezing or food preservation techniques that would work on cakes. It all just feels like some stupid goose chase to save an idiotic monarch who would be better off being succeeded by a democratically elected congress or parliament, but no, we have this stupid fucking bullshit instead. I should also add that a delivery time of days to weeks is the *optimal* time frame, but many messages took *months* to be delivered. It would be logical to assume a message about a cake would not be considered high priority, so the delivery time could easily stretch into a time frame of *months*, further emphasizing the “inedible” part of the whole equation. I’m tired of games like these forcing you to prop up shitty monarchs with no valid merit to rule over an entire country. Princess Peach is an abomination of a monarch, it’d be a service to the world if she stepped down from her position and/or reformed the government to turn it into, at least, a constitutional monarchy so that more competent individuals can lead the government. While this plan has its own problems, at least it wouldn’t give total control to a fucking window licker like Princess Peach who doesn’t even understand the basic premise of food degrading quickly after it is prepared without certain preservation techniques (and all of those available at the time would not preserve the cake’s quality so much as just its ability to be eaten safely). I doubt that dumbass even understands what the word “infrastructure” or “trade” means, the stupid princess. Don’t even get me started on why Princess Peach has no armed forces to speak of despite being the head of the territory she controls. A castle would only be built for a feudal lord or leader to *hold the territory they possess*, yet this dumbass has a castle and no substantial army to man it. In fact, I see little reason why her bloodline is of any importance at all, since the land they control seems to be minor at best and very poorly led. Where the hell are the other nobles? Why hasn’t a more competent one already taken Peach’s land? There seems to be no one enforcing the borders of her territory, and she has a castle with no guards. Peach has no actual power, at least, no ability to project that power and enforce her rules. You’d think a monarch would at least have a royal guard to protect her from assassinations and the like, but this idiot doesn’t even have something as basic as that. Peach would be torn to shreds in any kind of court of nobility. She’d be laughed out of any official gathering of nobles, too. There is no reason for Mario to be doing so much to save such a worthless ruler, except for maybe pity. I’m sure there are dozens of nobles willing to pay exorbitant amounts of money to have Mario in their entourage, given his service record, but the red-clothed jackanape continually gravitates towards a useless monarch who has not a shred of intelligence across the board. “Hurr durr, my people are starving and poverty is wreaking my territories, but I made a cake for you!” just fuck off, Peach, you stupid princess. It’s these glaring issues that keep me from enjoying the game. The devs *should* have thought of these things if they actually cared about building the world they place Mario in, but no, we are stuck with a shallow, stupid, unrealistic, and frankly idiotic representation of medieval feudal society. It’s a monument to misinformation, the amount of bullshit in the worldbuilding of Super Mario 64™️. It’s a big sign of laziness and idiocy on behalf of the devs who made the game that they left these asinine flaws in their worldbuilding that could have been addressed in mere minutes, but that’s just how games are nowadays: zero effort, zero care, zero passion. It’s all just a lazy grab for money and nothing else. Sickening.