You say Yoshi’s been avoiding the IRS for 19 years, however, that’s utter bullshit.

Alright, for starters, Yoshi is from Dinosaur Land. Last I checked, this was not a U.S territory or State. the IRS has no jurisdiction. So who does? well, that’s the problem.

See, the Mushroom Kingdom claims Dinosaur land as an extant territory, as per the Fungal Mesozoic Act of 1991. According to Mushroom Kingdom law, an extant territory is one where inhabitants do not hold citizenship towards the colonizing country. This means that by law, no Yoshi is a subject of the Mushroom Kingdom. Yet, despite this clear law, the Mushroom Kingdom’s taken advantage of the local Yoshi population’s carefree disposition, and has enacted multiple discriminatory tax laws against the oblivious Yoshis. First the non-fungal lifeform tax of 1992, then the shelled inhabitant tax laws of 1993, and finally the egg-laying amendments to the Tax Laws in late 1993 (all of which, conveniently, did not apply to native Mushroom Kingdom species).

Meanwhile, in exchange for their taxes, the Yoshis got nothing. Dinosaur Land was literally taken over by Bowser, and during the invasion and subsequent occupation, the Yoshi’s had eggs stolen from them by their occupiers. During this whole crisis, the only act from the Mushroom Kingdom was initiated to rescue Princess Toadstool, who had taken a Yoshi’s house through her power of Royal Eminent Domain, and was at the time of the invasion residing there on holiday. In the process of the operation, some of Yoshi’s friends were rescued from capture by Bowser’s forces. This, however, was inconsequential – not to mention the fact that the rescued Yoshis were dominated and subjected to treatment equivalent to that of a riding animal soon after their supposed liberation, and were considered expendable throughout the entire operation.

It was the Leak of the Porcini Papers that really highlighted how corrupt everything under the hood was. They had undeniable evidence that Cremini Cromwell, Chancellor to the Mushroom Kingdom, was behind a conspiracy not only to overtax the Yoshi inhabitants of Dinosaur Land, but to taint their food supply with spicy pepper. It is a well established fact that Yoshis not only hate spicy Pepper, but also can sustain physical damage from ingesting it, as documented in the peer-reviewed documentary, “Yoshi’s Story”. But why did Cromwell taint their food supply? Why on Earth would he do such a thing. The reason? Cremini Cromwell was collaborating with Bowser during the invasion of dinosaur land. According to his testimony, he figured he could use Dinosaur Land as a buffer between the Mushroom Kingdom and Bowser’s kingdom, keeping Bowser’s ambitions far from the borders of the Mushroom Kingdom. Since Dinosaur Land is an extant territory, his actions cannot legally be considered treasonous. Cromwell might have gotten away with his covert actions too; alas, Princess Toadstool was vacationing in Dinosaur Land at the time, and Bowser simply couldn’t help himself, thus causing the 1994 Royal Crisis, which eventually led to the exposure of Cromwell’s collaborations.

So, in short, of course Yoshi didn’t pay taxes. He wasn’t supposed to be paying them in the first place. This whole manufactured scandal about Yoshis not paying taxes is just propaganda pushback from whitecap conservatives against the Liberal Chanterello party’s rescinding of the various discriminatory tax laws. It’s the same propaganda trying to discredit the Porcini Papers leak, and particularly to draw attention away from the fact that according to those papers, it was clear that Cremini had been planning a “Night of Long knives” type purge of Dinosaur Land’s Yoshi population – a full-blown genocide. Cromwell was a radical racist, and now his Party is trying to do damage control. Well, nice try, but it won’t be that easy to hide the truth.

If anything, the Mushroom Kingdom should be paying Yoshis Reparations for all the strife they have had to suffer through. However, the Whitecaps can’t stop babbling about Yoshis taking your jobs to realize how much they have suffered at the hands of Cromwell. I suspect Cromwell outlawed capital punishment because he knew if he was caught he’d be promptly decapped for treason. It should have been brought it back just for him.