I fucking hate Ludwig. Among all the Koopalings that could serve Bowser, Ludwig has to be the worse of them all. I hate how he stares at me with those tiny fishball eyes. I want to take that staff of his and shove it up his ass. His hair looks like the result of someone who hasn’t shaved their ass in ten years. Each time I hear his laughter, I personally hope my grandfather comes out of his grave and take me with him. His bucktooth is making me go crazy. At night, I imagine them opening me up like a sleeping back and leaving a trace of blood everywhere as he devours my inside. Many times have I screamed from those night terrors and caused my mom to come running in my room, assuring me that Ludwig can’t harm me. For extra protection, I placed salt around my room so that god damn turtle can’t come in. My wife has considered leaving me, claiming I give more attention to my fear of Ludwig than her. I just can’t help it. Each time I touch her, I imagine Ludwig’s scaly skin and hear his horrible laughter. The local priest has been advised of my “abnormal” behaviour and is bringing his nuns to visit me. Hopefully, they will cast an exorcism that will cure my hatred for Ludwig. Fuck you, you mentally fucking blue haired turtle.