As Adjudicator of First, it gives me great pleasure to confirm for you that yes, you are first. In accordance with the Dictates of the Ancient Scrolls of First, I grant you full access to the First Realm of Firsts. It is here you will unlock the secrets of the universe and be endowed with supreme powers of Godliness. Only by ascending will you truly know the power of First, free from the limitations of your secondary body. Transcend mighty. Please send a self addressed and $100 for your first starter pack. Thank you.

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