I like to call myself the bathroom destroyer. Mainly cause when I’m stoned or something I get this malevolent stain in my soul that’s only resolved by going and fucking up a public restroom. This happens several times weekly.

Just to note a few of my feats –

Chick-Fil-a : Took salt & pepper shakers from several tables, a flower vase + flower, ketchup packets, & a large cola into the bathroom. Harvested a whole roll of toilet paper and clogged the toilet, then took a huge shit, then used the whole roll of the other toilet paper to wipe my ass then drop the wads on the floor, stood up and turned around, then pissed on the seat. It was a nice smelly piss too so it was gonna be extra awful for the person cleaning it. Threw all my ketchup packets on the floor then stomped on them to spray the ketchup on the walls, then I picked up the packets and threw em in the sink. It was a nice handful. Took the flower pot + flower and gently placed it atop the shit mountain, poured like a dozen salt and pepper shaker contents onto the piss soaked rim for some extra flavor, then to top it all off, I dumped my cola on the floor then left, cackling like a maniac.

7/11 : Pissed on a roll of toilet paper, the only one in the bathroom. Soaked the whole toilet paper dispenser too so the whole thing would have to be cleaned. Used a wad of paper towels to wipe up a little piss, but then I used the piss wipe to give the soap dispenser a little more intensity by wiping it down, and the mirror too so people wont put their fucking faces up into the mirror to pick their noses or some shit.

Walgreens : This one is probably the most fucked up which is why its so hilarious. So I went to a disabled stall at my local pharmacy and laid a chocolate log on the entire seat. I had ate Chinese for several days straight in preparation for the shittening. So this whole seat is stained the most insane emerald green shit on the entire earth. Next I opened up the up the toilet roll dispenser and took out one roll. I used the first roll to wipe my ass and throw the shit wipes into the trash, after moving the bag of course so the shit wipes stay where theyre supposed to. Then I took the second roll, dunked it in the toilet, then dabbed the toilet paper roll on the toilet seat a few times, then I spun the toilet paper roll helicopter style, splattering the whole stall with shit.

I’ve done a few more, less notable things to fuck up bathrooms but rest assured my work continues to this day.