Girl: Please don’t rape me!
Guy named Please:

Teacher: Are you fucking serious?

Girl named Serious:

Teacher: Are you fucking done?

Girl named Done:

Teacher: Are you fucking for real?

Girl named For Real:

Teacher: Please stop fucking everything up.

Girl named Everything Up:

Teacher: Can you stop fucking fooling around?

Girl named Fooling Around:

Teacher: Can you stop fucking joking?

Girl named Joking:

Teacher: Stop fucking cheating!

Girl named Cheating:

Teacher: Stop fucking stealing!

Girl named Stealing:

Teacher: Stop fucking yelling!

Girl names Yelling:

Teacher: Stop fucking sleeping!

Girl named Sleeping:

I am such a comedic genius that it’s utterly, quintessentially inconceivable how I failed my audition at the Laugh Factory. Absolute fucking injustice.