Every time you get a marketing email from dbrand, you can hardly contain your excitement. It’s not because you’re excited to give us your money – though you should be. It’s because you’re excited to read the paragraph at the bottom of the email. They’re always so funny and creative. They tell engaging stories. They’re your reward for making the effort to scroll down – it’s a lot more work than you’re used to. Now, you’re here. The disappointment has begun to set in. You’re realizing that you’ve been bamboozled. You’re reading a metacommentary on email marketing copy. What is this, school? The last time you took one of those fancy-pants book-learning classes, they had to invent a grade lower than F. You don’t even know what “commentary” means, let alone “metacommentary.” To be perfectly honest, we’re surprised you made it this far. Spoiler alert: you’re never getting this time back.