Today I attempted to insert a whole cantaloupe melon
into my anus because the local shops had run out of
apricots (I buy a lot). Using about a gallon of butter,
breathing techniques and a few hours I managed to
finally get it inside. However it was too uncomfortable so
I tried to shit it back out.

This is where things got confusing because rather than
a melon sliding out half a dozen apricots did. Now there
is a chance that I just blacked out upon excreting the
cantaloupe and it rolled away somewhere and that I
happened to have a dozen or so left over apricots lying
around my rectum from earlier but I cannot for the life of
me find the melon anywhere.

I think I may have the power to anally turn melons into
apricots. Further experimentation will be required of
course (once my rectum has recovered) but if this turns
out to be true then I may be able to solve world hunger.