Mr. Smith. Order in the court ohohoh. Mr. Banks your opening statement. Statement. Mr. Smith your opening statement. Your honor this is a black thing isn’t it. I don’t have a big butt like my worthy adversity Phillip Banks but what I do have is the brbrbrbr. Shus. Order in the court how did it go down Mr. Smith. I’m glad you asked me that question check it out. Check it out. What the heck is this. It’s fesh piece dad. Hahaha I like it hahahaha. What bring him back bring him back bring him back. Uncle Phil it was just. Shut up. Listen Uncle Phil… Silence I need to think a long long time about just what I’m going to do with you in the middle of the night. What are you going to do dad. Muhahaha. And then he slapped me with his penis. Now this is the story all about a couple of guys who were up to no good shooting some ball ball outside of my neighborhood. When a couple of Ganondorfs started chilling out maxing relaxing all cool and shooting some b-ball outside the school and shooting some b-ballallall and my mom got scared and said your moving. I pulled up to a cabin and I yelled to the cabin and the cabin got scared and the guys started shooting me. Look out Carlton. Muh. Hi. Give me a hug man give me a hug. Would you make me a sandwich. No. No more hugs Will. You owe me. Oh ok. What is that. It’s a gun. Carrying a gun what are you thinking. Make me a sandwich. Carlton are you out of your mind man. I’m about to start making some rules. You’re dead Will. (THREE YEARS LATER) Carlton Carlton yo man you ever feel like this. Ow. All the time. Come here come here. See that dude over there I think he likes you. When you look this good you have to get used to it. See that dude over there I think he’s a cop. Turn yourself in Will it’s the only way. You right. (Gets locked in jail) This is terrible im R****ded. hahahahaha. My mum my mum clap your hands clap your hands clap your hands clap your hands clap your hands. Aunt Viv, dad. Hi. Who’s in charge here. I am. Hey you don’t talk to my wife like that. Now wait a minute buddy. Could you please sit down. Don’t tell us to sit down. Sit down. Sit down. Who the hell do you think your talking. Who the hell do you think your talking. What’s going on here. Oh no. Sit down. Hey. No. No. No. Noohohoh. Let those damn boys out of there or else I’m going to sit down. Your grandchildren are going to need Grandchildren lawyers. I’m Henary Furth. Mr. Furth can you please sit down. Hey you don’t talk to my wife like that. We out of Mananan I have an idea. Yo. Yea. My uh buddy likes you. (Unlocks cell) yeaahahahhaha. Phone. I don’t care. I don’t care. Pick up the damn phone. No. Children uhuhuh. Uh this is Will man. Uhuh die a violent death. Hey yo man yueyueyueyue. OK fellas you want to talk about it. Ok I think you know who you’re talking to. I’m Carlton Carlton Banks you’re talking to Carlton Its Carlton Carlton Carlton. (Locked in cell again) This is a black thing isn’t it. See that dude over there. Is he a cop. He’s my father. So is he a cop. Haven’t seen you since you were three years old haha you know what I’m saying. Woahohohoh hey youuyyuuy you want to stop by the crib later and have some dinner dinner. I don’t think. Look I get off at 6. Hehehaahahhahaha. I don’t think. Who cares what you think you aren’t my father. I get off at 6. Referrers i’ll pick you up then son. Wow 14 years you must feel emotions. I’m here for you my brother. Make me a sandwich. (Three Years Later) How are you doing. I had a few drinks rararara I almost threw up three times. Mr. Smith has arrived. Who is this. If anything I could say this is Hillary. Uhuhuhuh. Well let’s have sex. Yeayeayeayea. Phillip Banks Phillip Banks what are you doing. Jeffery. Hahahahha. Shut up Jeffery. That is not cool man. Fuck your father fuck you n*****. You’re a phone. Hey just cool it. Boom boom boom. I’m sorry that everyone can’t be as stupid as you Uncle Phil. Stupid Stupid Stupid Uncle Phil. I think I’m having a heart attack. Who cares what you think you’re not my mother. Hahahahaha. Mighty Morphin power rangers. Wait a second I’m Carlton. I guess we both said some things we didn’t mean. I meant what I said I’m having a heart attack. Welcome to the memorial for Phillip Banks saying some words on behalf of the departed will be Phillip Banks. What can you say about Phillip Banks what the heck can you say about Phillip Banks. Ok somebody Burry this. We miss you we love you dad. Awwwwww. Heaven has to be a cross between a Dikekike video and Chicken Winnigish. This is incredible. See i can have a leg in one hand and… Bring him back. (IN THE FUTURE GIANT SPACE SCIENTISTS HAVE FOUND A CURE FOR DEATH BUT IT ONLY WORKS ONCE SO THEY USED IT ON UNCLE PHIL THEN THEY SENT HIM BACK IN TIME BECAUSE THEY HAVE A TIME MACHINE) (THREE YEARS LATER) Do you realize that you’re fat. Thank you honey. My father is not fat he’s just big. Booooooooonnnnnnnneeeeeddd. Its not funny I’m worried about you fatty I love you. Shut up. Fine. Heheheheha. Uh uh uh. Yo Uncle Phil snap out of it man. Oh my God. More after this. Now this is the story all about how…. what the heck is this. This is the story all about how… shut up Will. Sit right there. Sit right there. Wow. I might as well kick it. Whats on. Fesh Pince 2 your nastiness. How many feet. 2. Yea that’s right. I might as well kick it. You love me. (THREE YEARS LATER) HEY! Can I speak please. What. Get out. Right. I’m sorry. Hey Uncle Phil this is a black thing isn’t it. Shut up Will. (THREE YEARS LATER) Black Black Black. Mr. Smith has arrived. Sorry I’m late I gotta stay flexible you know what I’m saying. Oh yea yeah I know what you’re saying. Will is going to be crushed. When Will was a baby I was scared of babies. Cut the clap wowowowowow. You a better man then me e e e. E. You happ e. Sit down. I ain’t got time for no lecture. I said sit down. Ain’t got time. Can you please sit down. Will is not a coat. Will is not a closet. You get off of my back you’re not my mother. You know what I’m saying. Bull Bull Will is not a bowl. Hey yo. Ain’t got time. Why doesn’t he want me man. He’s not supposed to be here for you he’s supposed to be here for Jeffery. Down with him. Mr. Smith has arrived. I knew this was going to happen. Hohohohoho. Ha ha. Its not funny. Now this is a black thing isn’t it. There’s a dance this Friday but its not over until midnight. You’re the best. Looks like it huhuhuhuhuh. Would you make me a sandwich. Not a chance. I hate you. Uhuhuh. Shut up will. But it isn’t Will. For 4 years I treated that boy like my own son what ever he needed weather it was pants or chicken I was there for him. Dad when are you going to get me a sandwich. Hey man its so hot out there the uh huh girls just went uhhhhhhhhhuh. Everybody keeps talking about. You gotta fix our air conditioner today. What did you say. You gotta fix our air…. no no no no nope no no nope. What does he mean by no. Huhuhuh. Would you like a Swedish meatball sir. Uhuhuh. Uhuhuh. Only one sir. What grrrrrr.(THREE YEARS LATER) Wow. (THREE YEARS LATER) If only your dad would fix the air conditioner in the pool house how could he be so cruel house. You will not speak about Uncle Phil that way he may be an unreasonable dickhead but he is your father and you will show him some respect. Do you know how humiliating it is to have a son. Uhuuuhhuhuuuh. I want your bodies. Oh my God. Hello Mr.babrbrbr. whats she doing. Uncle Phil shes. R. Uhuhuhuhuhuh. Thats the way you want it. Ointments. Ointments Ointments Ointments. Whats your problem. Carlton I have to knock you out. You come near me I spray. You sell fish you sell fish you sell fish. Ashley huhuhuh. Why do you have paper on your cheek. Uhuhuhuhuhuuhu. Why do you shave Ashley’s ass cheeks. Because woman grow hair on their butt. Yes. Why. Yeseseseses. Wood. I’m not carrying all this Wood. I’m a im a im a box box box. Awww thank you baby mm mm. Woo look at all this wood.