I currently hold the world record for the largest shit ever taken, let me tell you my story. I was at my grandmother’s house and she was feeding me with what she claimed to be tropical fruit cake. I took a bite and **BASTARD**, it was actually scrambled egg with pineapple juice! I bolted to the nearest toilet and locked the door behind me, I sat down and instantly felt the pain inside my bowels. I sat there squeezing for over half an hour before the first piece of shit came out, it was 5 meters long and 35 centimetres in diameter. But it didn’t stop there, the scrambled egg was multiplying inside me, and the biggest shit was yet to come. Close to two hours later, I took the biggest fucking shit you’ve never seen in your life, it was 20x the size of a blue whale’s penis, that’s 15,000,000x bigger than your penis will ever be! It’s been 54 years since that day and my anus is still in recovery. Thankyou for listening.