Goedemorgen, my name is John Jansen,

I am a 27 year old English eenling (Outsider for you buitenlanders). I recreate Rembrandt and Van Gogh on my tablet, and spend my days perfecting this art and playing superiour Dutch video games such as Killzone and the legendary Redcat.

I train with my Fluyt everyday, this superiour ship can cut clean through the seas of the world because it’s as light as air, and is vastly superiour to any other ship on earth. I earned my naval license two years ago, and I have been getting better every day.

I speak Dutch fluently, both Gelders aand Haags dialect, and I write fluently as well. I know everything about Dutch history and their ways of creating polders, which I follow 100%. No one understands and my father slaps me frequently for creating dykes in the garden.

When I get my Dutch visa, I am moving to Amsterdam to attend a prestigious High School to learn more about their magnificent culture. I hope I can become an engineer for Philips or a Dyke maintainer.

I own several clogs, which I wear around town. I want to get used to wearing them before I move to The Netherlands, so I can fit in easier. I cycle everywhere and speak Dutch as often as I can, but rarely is anyone able to respond.