Alright, I suppose there’s no way to avoid questions on why it’s in there, so I’ll just say it. Sometimes I get lonely, and like any other lonely guy, I’ll touch myself. But sometimes I like to experiment a little. One day I put a plush Master Chief in my anus, just to masturbate, and believe me I busted HARD. But not as hard as that time I put a scorpion in my ear, then another in, you guessed it, my asshole, while I not-so-gently stroked myself. I like to experiment, can’t blame a guy for that.

Today I wanted to experiment again, but not too extreme, so I took a toothpick, didn’t even lube it up, and just slid it into my erect penis. The feeling was phenomenal really, the way it scratched and itched, as it’s being slowly forced into the tight, fleshy tunnel that is designed exclusively to be an exit for urine and your mom’s favorite drink, the pain was so incredible. And I loved every. Single. Microsecond of it. I could feel the inside of my penis starting to bleed, as it was begging for whatever this was to stop. I busted before I even finished sliding it in, I fell forward a little, and before I knew it the entire thing was in there. Since then, my penis has gone flaccid. You’d think with the shrinking, the toothpick would have been made easy to grab as it pokes out of the urethra. Well, you’d be wrong. As it was going flaccid, I guess it decided it’d be a good idea to drag the rest of the toothpick further in. I can feel splinters, and I feel a sharp, stabbing pain, almost in my stomach. I’ve tried everything. I’ve peed, not much came out except for blood. I’ve tried jacking off again, that seems to have made the issue worse. Even contacted one of my gay friends, he said he’ll try to suck it out, but nothing (sorry, Harry, I know you told me not to tell anyone). What do I do here?