“When they send us aliens from the mothership they send fine people. You know I first met one of them when they were killing Jared Kushner to make him into a skin suit and infiltrate us. You know that the thing about skin suits is there really hard. I dont wanna ever work that hard to make a skin suit. But these guys they work hard. I asked them to make me a skin suit of Jared Kushner so I could have some locker room fun with Ivanka. You know they learned english really fast. See mexicans could learn a thing from aliens. They come here and speak english. Spanish is a disgusting language. Only people that make burritos speak spanish. I love burritos though. You know Ivanka is going to roll out Trump Taco Trucks. I love when 3 words all start with the same letter. Thats the thing about my genes is I only have the best genes. Im 6’9 and 420 pounds. The mountain from lord of the rings came to the white house after winning worlds strongest man 2019. I was bigger than him. He was very impressed with my genes. He said if I was younger Id be able to deadlift 1000 kilograms which is like the weight of the statue of liberty. You know thats my favorite statue. I look out from my birth place in New Jersey and see that statue and think about going up and kissing her all the time. I wonder if we could undress her. But you know those liberals would complain. That goes against freedom you know. When we beat the british in world war 1 they gave us the statue of liberty and if I cant undress her than what was the point of JFK getting killed. You know those aliens tried to stop that. People forget that all the time. I love heroes. Heroes are great. I love them. You know though I hate when they get preachy. You know who Im talking about. They say all the time in fox news Im a hero. Believe me Im a great hero. I was time traveling with aliens one time and we were in ancient Atlantis and I saw Hercules and he was a big guy. So Im just looking at him and I realize I could totally take this guy in a arm wrestling and then I won because I always win and America always wins and these Italians lose because they keep making bad trade deals. You know I make amazing trade deals. I talked to Namor and Aquaman and we should be getting access to new deep sea oil rigs they have. You know Atlantis has some real cool stuff. I might say they have the best stuff but I got to put my name on it first. Atlantis had immigration problem believe me but they fixed it by building a wall. Its amazing what walls can do. You know Im a great architect. I could build a wall on the border and smash it and build it back again before one of those american hating democrats could say the word socialistm. So when they tell me I cant build a wall I tell them I already built a wall. But none of you go to the border. The automation turrets kill anyone near the wall. Its to ward off the denoms of the devil. Its like that hbo show lord of the rings. The wall protected them the whole time and they showed those brown people who was boss. Many people say I did a good job on that show. I was the best actor on that show. They gave me the ring and I was beating everyone up. The bad elf guy. You know I took him in a back room and beat him up. Elfs are disgusting. I cant beliebe hbo bought them from Iran. But you know I can take any of them. America is about men not elfs. You know I dont understand how Iran has all these elfs but they keep sending them over here on their drones so I told John Bolten to bomb the shit out of them and he did because hes a great guy. I only hire the best people. Very republian. Winning is what me do. Im going to be in the new blade movie its actually based on me. I was fighting vampire liberals in the 80’a because they wanted the chmabers under Trump tower and thats not how I do business. They cast Sam Jackson in those first blade movies and that was very bad. Not good. Hes not a very good actor and hes short. Im the tallest man in the white house ever. Its amazing. Im very tall. Very long. So I killed vampires and became immortal. So when I say president for life I cam save america forever. Thank you very much.”

-Trump 4/20/20

[Credit is not mine]