#Reddit is when…

Reddit is when something I don’t like. The Reddit hive mind is too much to bear, but I can’t quit you so I’m still on Reddit. Reddit’s gonna Reddit, and so am I.

Reddit, you propaganda machine. You singular opinion. You sloppy monolithic bitch. I hate you so much. Now spit on my face.

I want to hear you whisper woke things in my ears. Make me think you’ve shadowbanned me and left. I don’t deserve your time, but please come back and unban me, Daddy Reddit. I swear I’ll be good this time. uwu

Yeah, oppress me like the rebel slut I am. I’m a dirty free thinker and you hate me for it. I do my on research on Reddit, but my sources are my own dirty little secret. Prove how much of a Reddit you really are, and slap me in the pale, alabaster face with your big blue downvote.

……mmmm

Ahhh yeah you like when I’m silenced, don’t you, Reddit? You love it when I don’t get to say something I’m too afraid to say out in the real world. You keyboard warrior, you. You’re pathetic!

Now gag me! Gag me until my permaban hurts! Gag me like the filthy little troll I am, Reddit! I’ll never stop coming back to you.

I hate you and I love how you hate me. Reddit, you’re the worst person I’ve ever met and I’ll never leave you.