Jesus christ.

I was raised out in the fucking mountains without any schooling at all until I was old enough to get out. I had one friend out there for a few years, another “home schooled” kid, but his schooling was done through his church, and he was absolutely obsessed with this group of performers who were all like American Gladiators with awesome mullets and they would break ice blocks and stacks of bricks and shit WITH THE POWER OF THE LORD.

He had posters everywhere, I want to say it might have been the same group but this was over 30 years ago so no idea if they’re still a thing.

This story doesn’t go anywhere, but we played Hero Quest together and he said it was okay as long as nobody played the wizard character because that was “black magic.”

He was not allowed by his parents to watch Ninja Turtles on TV at age 12 because of violence and mature themes. I let him watch it on my little TV in my room but the fucking kid (2 years younger than me) wouldn’t shut up about how awesome the show was so he eventually got banned from visiting me in the afternoons.

About a year later I was showing him comic books I had collected, and somewhere along the way I had managed to collect a few issues of some furry T&A and the moment I went out of sight he seriously went in the bathroom attached to my room and must have jacked off like the Tasmanian Devil on meth. The bathroom rugs were crumpled against the walls and the toilet paper roll was strewn across the room.

I had all kinds of issues about sex because of my own weird upbringing, so I felt kinda gross after for contributing to his “delinquency” and was always conflicted about my own wanking habits, so then I tried to protect him from any further “corruption” but then we kind of drifted and then he moved away.

Anyhow, point of the story: sexy cheetah girls with tails are dangerous to your child’s wholesome values.