[Conflicted] So basically when I was 15 years old when I was playing video games I overheard people calling each other cucks and at that time I didn’t know what it meant. Then I searched the term online and found what it meant but I still didn’t understand it fully.
Then it was around 18-19 years old I started watching porno and saw Black African American men having sex with White women. It made me very angry and pissed off because I thought society looked down Black people for having poor outcomes in life – crime, poverty and low educational attainment. I thought they didn’t deserve sex with the superior white race or something like that. I looked down on them even they didn’t get to choose their race or parents. But I decided to hate on them and hated all minorities because I didn’t like the fact they were working hard and succeeded at life.
Being a virgin also made me feel insecure and the fact white women rejected me many times made me very very angry. Then I started seeing so many Asian women holding hands with white men, the men who looked like me, seemed to punch above their weight.
Naturally being a video game player I discovered anime and hentai. I developed a strong interest in Japanese culture and since then I ever wanted is to be Japanese and to travel to Japan one day to have fun and sleep around. I wanted to be Sasuke. I had very low self esteem and wanted to feel better for being white and suddenly I had realized I was valuable to women from a different culture. I loved the affection I got from foreign women because I got no attention back home. In Japan I hated the fact that white women would adore and admire Japanese culture and occasionally the men. I pushed white women out of the queue and bumped into them for not giving me the attention. I could tell she wanted to be Japanese and I wanted to be too.
I also wanted to feel big and dominating like as if I am squashing or crushing someone. Short Asian women were very responsive to me. To me they enjoyed being crushed or physically imposed over. Then I think about how white women loved big black men with big weiners.
For all the times I’ve been made to feel worthless and small now I can feel big with a Chinese woman complementing me. Kind of like a king with many wives you know..
A lot of my friends couldn’t get Japanese women because they had higher standards so they gave up and went with Korean and Chinese women and the rest were some Thai, Vietnamese and some were from the Phillipines. Friends were talking to me about some car salesman lemon example where they could get a clean start by going for women who aren’t exposed to men who look like men.
However I don’t want a half Chinese son because I fear for him getting bullied for not being 100% white and I want my son to look like me. Should I have kids or not?
I met my wife in Japan but she’s Chinese.
What should I do about this situation? I fear they may get bullied and hate me for it.