Here’s the thing. I was going to just enjoy a regular ol’ masturbation session this afternoon, as I had a bit of free time, and then inspiration struck.

“Why not try out that silicone butt plug from the sex toys drawer?” I thought to myself, “It probably feels awesome!”

I’ve dabbled with putting a finger up my ass, but never actually tried inserting anything more substantial, like beads, plugs, dildos, etc. Even my wife has been hesitant to engage in anal play, though I’ve made it known I’m open to the idea.

Anyways, we’ve got a clear silicone butt plug, kinda tear-drop shaped with a ring on the end. Maybe 4” long. I lubed it up generously and then started slowly, and cautiously, inserting it.

Even partially inserted it was feeling fantastic.

Though still feeling great, I slowed down a bit as I reached the wider base, but sure enough it “popped” into place, with just the end ring sticking out. Proud of my new accomplishment I got right down to business, and let me tell you, it was feeling really, REALLY good.

And then… there was movement.

An undeniable sensation that the plug was continuing to descend into my anus. I frantically tried reaching for the end ring but all the lube made it impossible for me to get a firm grip, and in my panic I bet I puckered up when I should have pushed.

Bloop. In it went. Completely.

For a few moments there was sheer panic.

OMFG! Nonononononono!!!

I gently probed with my finger, desperately hoping that I could somehow still reach the ring, but it was lost in the abyss of my butthole. I was home all alone, and I was supposed to be organizing and packing for my FAMILY VACATION that starts on the weekend. My wife was at work, and my kids were in daycare. Through another comedy of errors, my vehicle was in the shop getting a pre-trip tune-up.

I tried calling the neighbourhood walk-in clinic, but the only doc was away until the end of the month. My anxiety increasing, I called 811, which is for speaking to a health nurse. After 15 minutes I was still on hold. My panic was rising, and my guts weren’t feeling quite right. I hung up and called 911, to nonchalantly inform the poor dispatcher that I had a sex toy stuck up my ass. I was really just hoping for advice, but they actually dispatched an ambulance.

So as I waited for rescue, I paced around, did the dishes, started putting laundry away, tidied up a bit. The paramedics arrived sooner than I anticipated, and I guess I was naive enough to think they’d be able to help me at home. They clarified that all they could really do was take me to the hospital, where I’d likely remain for hours. That option did not sound appealing to me at all.

“Sorry, honey. I can’t pick up the kids from daycare, prepare for our trip (like I was supposed to be doing), or be around for most of the afternoon/evening, because I lost a sex toy up my ass while masturbating.”

One of the first responders helpfully suggested that I grab an enema kit from the neighbourhood drugstore, and let it work it’s magic. She did caution, however, that if the plug was still in there after 6 HOURS that I should go to the ER. I thanked them for their time, and advice, and off they went.

Then the mechanic tried calling because my car was done and they wanted to send the shuttle vehicle to pick me up. FML.

I speedwalked to the drugstore and bought the enema kit. Another first. After reading the instructions I stripped down to my birthday suit and laid down in the shower. Gracefully placing my feet behind my ears, I slowly emptied the contents of the enema bottle into my poor asshole. My plan was to then wait the 2-5 minutes (as stated in the instructions) and then bare down into the toilet.

Nope.

Things moved much faster than that, and I suddenly had a strong urge deep in my rectum to push. Still laying naked in the shower, with my feet in the air and sweat beading down my brow, I bared down then and there. After a few moments of intense pressure, there was a sudden powerful release, and the plug shotgunned out of my butt. After 90 minutes of butt plug terror, the ordeal was over. It was… not a pretty sight at the far end of the shower. I then waddled over to the toilet to finish the enema process.

A few minutes later I’d finished cleaning up the crime-scene and was on the phone to get shuttled over to the mechanic, and continue on with my day. So, that was how I spent my Thursday afternoon.

TL;DR I used a butt plug while masturbating and it disappeared completely up my ass. I eventually ejected it with the use of an enema kit.