add pooping

so mojang really wants minecraft to be more realistic. but how can it be realistic without the most important thing in every survival game. this is why i think pooping should be added. this major update will add 2 new effects. constipated and poop. constipated is when you eat too much gold apples. poop is the effect you have post-poop. it gives you speed 2 because not having the poop in you makes you lighter. also steve should be able to inject himself with morphine and this can make his poop a weapon. the poop deals 3 damage and gives the victim blindness 2 when you hit them. his poop will fly at 200 miles per hour. also steve can poop his pants in his sleep if he goes to sleep while constipated. every time you look an enderman looks at you there is a 5% chance steve will poop his pants. i think this would be really cool in pvp. imagine injected steve with morphine mid fight, and the turning around and pooping all over your enemy, blinding them and then doing a 360 trickshot with your punch V bow and finishing them. that would be so cool