Boomer Dad leaves Outback Steakhouse on a Saturday around 7 in Summer with his wife and teenage kids Brayden and Tommy. He makes sure to tip the teenage waitress well and with a smile and then goes to use the restroom while his wife simultaneously hands her kids sticks of gum (which they instinctively snatch at perfectly without looking at her) and talks on the phone with her sister while her two sons are laughing at something on one of their phones and not listening to El Padre when he tells them he has to “use the men’s room real quick” before they all “skiddadle out of here” and “hit the road.”

He does his Dad business and then on the way out of the restaurant he smoothly pops his Oakley shades onto his face, grabs a toothpick and some mints on the way out, and he and the rest of the family say “thank you” to the other waitresses by the door as they exit.

Our balding Boomer hero stuffs the mints into his chino shorts before blasting Lido by Boz Scaggs all the way home in his Ford Explorer with at least two JD Power Awards to its name and leather Eddie Bauer seats while his wife verbally deals with her two sons who are punching each other in their arms and using foul language that Dad is attempting to drown out by smashing his grizzled, manly thumb into the volume button on his steering wheel without showing any sign of annoyance or anger whatsoever. All the while, he is jamming to his Boomer tunes in pure bliss with some peppermint mints rustling in his pocket and his toothpick wedged between his vice grip chompers while his generic white Nike shoes with primo ankle support tap along to the beat and his fingers the size of Redwood trees thwap and thud along the top of the wheel in tune with Boz.

Lido…

WHOAH OH OH OHHHHH!

He’s for the money, he’s for the show

Lido’s waitin’ for the go, Lido…

WHOAH OH OH OHHHHH!

He said one more job ought to get it

One last shot ‘fore we quit it…

ONE MORE FOR THE ROOOOOOOOOOAAAAADDD